


Healing Hands

by heybay101 (Ignite_the_Passion)



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Backstory, Ben Solo backstory, Drama, F/M, Healer, Medic - Freeform, OC, Pre-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Romance, Slow Build, Slowish build, backstory first, female oc - Freeform, mature scenes later
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-02
Updated: 2017-12-11
Packaged: 2018-05-11 00:57:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 25,353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5607646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ignite_the_Passion/pseuds/heybay101
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The past can come back to haunt, or help. It all depends on your situation in life. For Lirri, she thought meeting Ben was a blessing, little did she know it may have very well been a fatal error. Ben Solo/Kylo Ren X OC Eventual Mature Scenes</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading this, after seeing Star Wars: The Force Awakens and reading many fabulous stories in for this pairing, I just really felt the urge to write one myself.
> 
> I do not own Star Wars, the only thing I own is the OC.
> 
> Also this is on ff.net under my account, spazaroni.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has been edited as of December 16, 2017 as to improve the written story. I found I rushed through last time and so I hope this creates a better quality story for you.

Ben was walking through the halls of the new building. It was a simple building on some island in Kashyyyk that was quite pleasant with plenty of greenery and rivers around. It seemed like a beautiful place to spend the next few years with training. He was being guided around and shown the many doors. Some had markings, identifying what they were. There was medical, indoor training rooms, kitchen, washrooms and dining hall. Ben’s Uncle Luke walked in front of him, as he explained information regarding the building.

Ben was barely listening to his uncle, more just thinking about the new situation. His mother had sent him away to learn from his Uncle. A man who was in charge of the next generation of Jedi by themselves. Ben did notice that he had grown quite a bit since he had last seen his uncle a few years prior. It was at least 5 inches taller than Luke, but he suppose that is what happens when the last time you see your relatives was before puberty.

There were students, varying in ages younger than he was. They were gawking at him as he passed following Luke. He nodded to them as they walked between the rooms.

“-hall for dinner at 6, provided by Lirri.” Luke finished as Ben looked forward again. He raised a dark brow as Luke looked to him.

“Lirri? That sounds like a bizarre name to give a droid.” Ben remarked as they continued walking until they reached a room marked with the number 6. Bright blue eyes that were still youthful even with the wrinkles and show of age around them connected with Ben’s dark brown eyes.

“Lirri is more of my assistant. She’s a senior student that helps with the demonstrations, but mainly cooks and tends the medic needs due to the sheer amount of students.” Luke explained as he opened the door with a small wooshing noise. The pair walked in, with Luke going first. Ben’s head was about an inch from hitting the door as he saw how generic the room was. To the left corner, there was a bed with white sheets and a couple of pillows. A desk was provided with stationary available, although the first page had a “Welcome to the island Ben!” note in unfamiliar handwriting that was under an empty window sill. At the foot of the bed was a small trunk and on the right side of the room, a closet.

At the side of the trunk was the duffel bag that had been taken off the ship and carried here for him so he could have the full tour by his uncle.

“We’ll be having dinner soon if you’d like to join us tonight. I know you may be tired. You can talk with Lirri in regards to food allergies that you have.” Luke said as Ben bit his lip, fighting back the response that his uncle should know his allergies. Luke gave him a soft smile as he put his left hand on Ben’s shoulder.

“I am happy to see you, I hope the time here will be good to help you grow and learn your skills.”

  
“I hope so as well.” Ben spoke as he was left alone in the bare room. He laid on the bed as he contemplated everything that had happened in the last few days. Logically, he knew that he should have left to train much sooner but his Mother insisted on him staying around. She allowed him to freely test his training as she supplemented the best she could with her minimum experience. Ben wouldn’t say it, but he was glad he was gone from his parents. They spent most of their time arguing with each other before Han would storm away and leave Leia crying. Or on occasion, the opposite where Han would drink and tell his son that marriage life wasn’t good.

\------------------  
Lirri had been bustling around the kitchen, trying to complete dinner for tonight for all the Padawans. Normally, that wouldn’t be an issue but there was a Padawan who was sick as could be so she was trying to run between the two while also keeping hygiene up as to not spread the illness.

Her short dark auburn hair was pushed back with a headband so she could focus. There was a large bowl of mixed vegetables with oil and spices as she felt the sudden feeling that something was happening in the medical room. Cussing, Lirri tossed the trays of vegetable into the oven’s lowest rack with a couple chickens on the rack above. She was thankful it was a large enough oven to feed everyone in one go.

Lirri cussed under her breath as she headed to the medical room. She found the boy, a Magnar trying to get out of the bed. Nearly toppling over as Lirri caught him and escorted him back to the bed.   
“I just want to get back to training. Why can’t I be healed?”

“Your immune system cannot strengthen if we healed this away. Now lay down and rest. There is water beside you and I will bring you food later. I’ll try to bring some books or other entertainment for you tonight.”

Magnar nodded weakly as she pressed a cold compress on his forehead. She waited until the padawan drifted off to sleep before washing her hands and arms as she glanced to the clock and time.

Lirri couldn’t remember how long the food had been in but she was worried about it burning as she chose to run down the hall to the kitchen, thinking to herself what she needed to do.

The next moment her body collided with the ground as she let out a string of curses before she peeked an eye open and sat up on the ground. There was another person on the floor too. Lirri crawled over to the dark haired boy as she rubbed his head. “Please don’t have a concussion.” she pleaded. “This is not what I need today.”

Brown eyes opened to her as she let out a loud sigh of relief before pulling a tiny flashlight out of her pocket as the man sat up beside her as he scowled. She shone it in both eyes as he responded normally to the light as she moved it. Lirri wouldn’t state it, but the boy had lovely brown eyes.

“Okay sorry about that. You seem all good but just in case, do you know your name?” Lirri asked as she stood up. “I’m Lirri.”

  
“Ben. Ben Solo.” He quietly spoke as Lirri held her hand out to help him up. He took it cautiously as she smiled at him.

“Well Ben, it’s a pleasure to meet you in person. Everything looks okay but if you feel unwell, let me know.” His larger hands were soft as she flushed and looked up at him. He was a good head taller than she was. Immediately her mind told her that he’d have to lean down to ever be face to face with her or whisper.

Reluctantly, she let go of his hand as she started walking backwards towards the table. “I’ll… see you at dinner?” she offered before turning and running to the kitchens to make sure nothing was too burnt.

 


	2. Chapter 2

Unfortunately, Lirri had not seen Ben with a chance to speak with him in the days after she had crashed into Ben. Any free time she had was occupied was dealing with this cold going around, helping younger Padawans with their trainings or completing tasks for Master Skywalker. Finally, Luke had strongly encouraged Lirri to join everyone in the afternoon meditation outside. He insisted since it was a beautiful sunny day.

However, she was running behind because she was trying to actually eat lunch for once while she was trying to clean up the last of the dirty dishes. It became an unfortunate habit for her to wait until everyone else had gotten their portions and ate before she had. Lirri had just shovelled the last few spoonful of rice in her mouth as she tried washing the dishes quickly.   
Lirri swallowed the large portion as she stretched her arms upwards as he walked towards the general meeting spot where everyone else probably was.

She wondered how Ben was doing with the other students. He seemed to be a few years older than the older group of Padawans. Lirri had a gut feeling that Ben was going to struggle to make some friends with the age difference. It was just a concern of hers, for all she knew Ben could be creating a large network of friends already.

Lirri headed down the stony path as she noticed Ben looking quite confused as his head looked between the two different paths that forked out of the current path. Lirri could tell that he was angry and frustrated getting lost with a string of curses coming out. Lirri cocked her head as she put her hands around her mouth as she called out.

“Ben!”

The pale boy shot around as his angered expression lightened to one of mild annoyance. Lirri walked over as she smiled up at him. “Are you heading to meditation with the other Padawans and Master Skywalker too?”

He hesitated before rubbing the back of his head. His cheek were a bit red. “I was debating it- yeah.” he answered, as Lirri resisted the urge to chuckle at what obviously was Ben covering up his embarrassment.

  
“You could walk with me?” Lirri offered before adding. “It’s a nice day, and would be better to spend some time with another Padawan without needing to deal with business.” She knew this sounded more like Ben was doing her a favour, and wouldn’t damage his ego compared to saying ‘You’re lost. I’ll help.’

Ben responded as he dropped his hands into his pockets. “Sounds great.” he responded, although a bit stiff as Lirri walked beside him down the proper path to the left.

“You know the other way has a gorgeous spot to swim.” Lirri began as she smiled. “Sometimes we do bonfires there.”

\----------

As they walked, Ben continued to steal glances at the short girl walking beside him as they made their way down the path. Ben knew the temper had gotten the best of him and that if Luke had seen him there, he would have scolded Luke about it. That letting his emotions, especially anger, get the best of him when trying to use the Force.

The thought of that irritated him since no one as of late seemed to have faith in Ben. Even some of the other Padawans questioned why he was so late to joining their rankings, as he discovered he had at least three years on most of them. Lirri, however, was an outlier. She rarely participated alongside the Padawans in training, rather helping to run it and seemed to be older than the rest. That could just be the maturity of being Luke’s assistant. The question gnawed at him and before Ben knew it he asked.

“Are you a Padawan or a Jedi?”

Lirri nearly tripped as she cocked her head before opening and closing her mouth a few times. It was as if she was looking for an answer. “Neither I think.” Lirri stated hesitantly as she continued her train of thought. “I am Force-Sensitive, and Master Skywalker brought me here to become a Jedi but I doubt I will finish. I am not a fan of violent, and I don’t believe that in violence you can create peace, just fear.”

Ben nodded in a partial understanding as Lirri made some awkward faces as she shrugged and her hands were fiddling with some of the longer strands of hair that went past her chin. Within moments as she bounced back as she jumped around to face him while walking backwards.

“While on the subject, may I know why you started the training so late? Master Skywalker has mentioned you before but most of our Padawans are between 7 and 14. You must be around… 16?” Green eyes connected with his brown ones.

“17 actually.” Ben corrected her as he chuckled a bit. “I came late since I was doing some training at home with my mother, Leia.” He didn’t say it but added that ‘they wanted to work on managing my ‘temper issues’ before sending me to be with other people.’ Lirri didn’t notice this hesitation in Ben as she smiled.

“It’ll be nice to have someone my age to talk socialize with I think. So many younger Padawans only want to speak about lightsabers, and the combat aspects. That or the stories of Luke and the rebellion.” She made an annoyed face before continuing. “The Force is so much more than that though. It’s all around us.”

Lirri began to ramble about the other amazing things about the force as she waved her hands happily around. On occasion, she would look back to make sure that she wouldn’t trip.

Ben listened to Lirri as he smiled at her. She seemed interested in Ben and not his family of their history. She barely blinked when he said his mother’s name. He was looking past her at some points as he saw the scattering of Padawans in a small clearing where it was surrounded by bushes of beautiful new flowers and trees. The sunlight was casting on the clearing as it made them look far more appeasing place to meditate.

“Lirri, we’ve arrived.” Ben spoke as he tapped her shoulder and pointed behind her.

Turning around, Lirri glanced over at Ben as she smiled. “Thanks. It was nice to walk here with you.” Lirri waved at some of the Padawans as she left Ben to go speak with Luke for a moment. Luke had glanced to his nephew before responding to Lirri. Ben headed to find a seat where he would be further away from the other Padawan. He also looked for some shading since he had quite pale and fair skin that he would prefer didn’t burn.

As he waited, Ben examined the other students. They sat in rows, with the little groups being closer in some sections as they faced Luke. He could hear about how to manage a lightsaber and making the proper movements. Lirri was still speaking with Luke. She nodded him as Lirri walked towards the back as she sat a few feet away from Ben as she raised her face up to the sky as she closed her eyes and let out a relaxed sigh, her shoulders slumping a bit.

Ben watched as she was embracing the warmth of sunlight on her skin with the largest smile on her tanned skin. Maybe it was the sheer happiness or how the sun reflected, but Ben could swear that she had a soft glow.

His focused was pulled back as Luke called the meditation to begin as he began to give instructions. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys are enjoying this story so far- I'm going to try and update as much as possible in the next few days and I have some pretty interesting stuff planned for the next chapter.
> 
> I've edited this as of December 16, 2017 to improve the written work.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize, I didn't realize I posted the unedited Chapter 2 and then the edited version as Chapter 3. Here is the new chapter 3, and i hope to update soon when I don't have to hotspot using my phone data to upload.
> 
> I edited this on December 16, 2017 to improve the writing for your pleasure.

Even with hiding in the shade, Ben enjoyed the warm breeze as his muscles relaxed in the meditation. It was a beautiful day to do this. Master Luke had stopped speaking to the students after they seemed to get close to the state of deep meditation. The sounds of the wind rustled through the leaves, with the calm breaths being the only sounds being the only other noise in the area.

Even with this, Ben felt a churning in his stomach, as Ben let his mind guide him to where it was trying to take him where it wanted him to go. A chill ran down his spine as it crawled through his body as a burning sensation overtook his eyes until he pried them open as the sensation stopped.

Instead of the grassy area where Ben had been sitting and meditating. Instead, Ben was standing in front of a large set of stone stairs with a large chair that could easily fit three people comfortably not touching one another on either side. Ben was glancing around the room as he could hear a distant voice calling to him. Ben turned his head slowly but saw no figures near him, as he turned completely around trying to see any hint of where the voice was coming from.

“Ben,” the voice spoke. It was dark, crackly and taunting as Ben stormed around the dark room. Going up and down the stairs, and checking behind the chair. “Beennnn.” The voice drawled out more behind him again.

This irritated him as Ben marched around, trying to find a mysterious figure but with no luck. He finally screamed out. “What do you want?!”

In return the voice mimicked him. “What do YOU want?” Ben’s eyes twitched, as he narrowed his eyes and climbed up the stairs again. “What do YOU want?” it kept repeating at him, each time getting louder and angrier. This made Ben get frustrated as he pounded his hands against the chair as he screamed at the top of his lungs.

His anger came out as he pounded his fists against the stones until he was drained of energy until he collapsed on his knees. Why was this voice mocking him? This voice was treating him like a child, not a powerful soon to be Jedi. His hands were aching and he felt like he could cry in defeat.

The voice spoke again, although still dark and crackly, it was somehow more of a whisper, as if the man was staying right behind him. “Well? What are some things you crave beyond all else?”

Ben felt his throat dry up as he took a moment to breathe and think. His mind was racing, yet unable to come up with an answer. The stones were quite cold against his knees. The voice seemed to be in his mind as it kept asking him. His mind was whirled in confusion and frustration. Ben needed to find an answer, in hopes it would leave him alone.

“Some peace and quiet!” he shouted with his hands clenched as the noise around him stopped. Ben felt the calmness rush over him as he breathed out in relief. He caught his breath as he turned so he could rest his head against the back of the stone.

Once he opened his eyes, Ben noticed a dark figure wearing a metallic helmet with chrome decorative pieces on it. It was dressed in all black with a cloak rushing behind the man. This man was walking towards him.

“Don’t you want something more?” The voice began with a crackle and metallic sound to it that unsettled Ben. “Power? Control? Infamy? Perhaps to satisfy your lusts?” Ben watched it come closer, unable to move in fear as his back straightened against the cold stone tablet.

The man began to walk up the stone steps with only the slightest sounds of clinking boots as he raised his arm. He crawled up the chair as he leaned as far back as possible into the seat as the hand came so close to Ben’s cheek. He squeezed his eyes shut as Ben felt the leather hand against his cheek.

“Sssnookkkeee” echoed around the room as Ben could feel light on his eyes. He opened them cautiously to see that he was back in the clearing. His body now cold with sweat. Glancing around, Ben noticed that many of the people had already left from meditation. His uncle Luke was there speaking with some of the Padawans that had hung around.

He stood up as his back crackled. He moved his hands to rub his temples as he walked up the path towards the building. This time much quicker. A good meal and a long night’s sleep sounded good to him in this moment although Ben was skeptical he would enjoy either on that night. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was edited on December 16, 2017 and I hope you enjoy the rewrite. I was trying to add more detail.

Although he tried going to bed quite early, he could not sleep a wink so far. Each time he attempted to do so, terrifying visions would return to him and cause him to wake up even more. Deciding that he was going nuts by staying in his room, he wrapped a cloak around his body and left the building. He went outside and down the path once more. He distracted himself with the bright night sky filled to the brim with stars and the multiple moons.

When Ben arrived at the fork in the road, Ben decided to explore this trail. He recalled that Lirri said it was a place to swim and felt that this would be the ideal place to relax in peace. Ben followed the steps as he soon arrived, but noticed a dark figure sitting on the log. His throat tensed, walking closer quite slowly. He was worried it would be the man but relaxed upon seeing Lirri.

  
She was leaning over, and rummaging through her bag without looking up towards Ben. He was quiet as he stood behind him before deciding to move and sit beside her.

Ben glanced over as he greeted her quietly as she finally glanced over. Her brain took a moment before she yelped and jumped from the figure beside her that was suddenly there.

“What in the heck Ben!” Lirri breathed out as she held one hand over her heart as the other hand went on Ben’s upper arm. “You startled me. When did you get here?” she questioned as she moved her other hand to shut the bag. This made Ben raise a brow but he shook it off.

“I just arrived actually. I couldn’t get to sleep.” Ben answered as his eyes looked down to the hand staying on his arms. His face heated up as he asked. “What about you?”

“There are these herbs that are great for anxiety and restlessness. They glow in the dark so finding them at night is the easiest.” She gave him a small smile and looking up to the night sky.

She took her arm back to cross her arms over her chest while staring up with wide eyes of wonder and a smile. “It’s a great night to be out at least.”

Ben kept looking at her as he thought about her smile as intoxicating, not realizing that he began to smile along with her. “I still find it amazing to think about how many lives in the galaxy. All going about their business and having their own thoughts and opinions. There are so many planets we’ve never been too before and perhaps planets that haven’t been discovered yet.” She spoke softly about this before the two rested in the comfortable silence between the two of them.

He occasionally looked over at Lirri as they stared at the stars. He could see that her sweater wasn’t doing the job as she was shivering a bit since the evening was much cooler than the day. He went with his gut reaction as he scooted closer beside Lirri as he wrapped his one arm over her shoulders, the cloak he wore fell around the two of them. Lirri stiffened for just a moment upon Ben’s touch before she relaxed against his touch. His heart sped up a bit, but he remained silent. After a few minutes, Lirri rested her head on Ben’s shoulder, with her arm wrapping around his waist as the two watched the stars.

They stayed for an hour later as they watched the stars, but his own eyelids were beginning to grow heavy. His head was even heavy as he rested his head against Lirri’s. Ben figured it’d be okay to shut his eyes for just a moment, take a moment’s rest before heading towards the building again.   
\-----  
Where Ben was now was dark outside with a heavy rain. He wasn’t sure how it started raining so heavily, but it made the ground get quite muddy. Ben glanced around as he noticed that his vision was quite different. His face was covered in a mask that impaired some of his vision. Why was he wearing a mask? Ben questioned to himself as he glanced around. There was bodies strewn about on the ground in front of him. The faces and surroundings looked familiar. It came to Ben suddenly that these were a slightly older version of some of the other Padawan’s.

Ben glanced behind him as he noticed other figures in dark cloaks behind him.

A grey cloud encircled him before the images around him suddenly changed. It was a purely metal room, with a chair in the centre. On the chair, there was cuffs for the head, hands and feet. The doors to his left opened as a woman was dragged in that was clearly unconscious by the way she was limp in the men’s arms. As she was set in the chair, Ben’s gut twisted as he recognized Lirri. Bruised and cuts tattered her skin, it looked as if her eye was swollen shut. She looked a bit different as Ben walked closer. Gone was the baby fat from her face, with her hair longer to her shoulders that seemed darker. Her body was shaped as that more of an adult’s with a pear shaped body.

Her head shot up as she gasped with her eyes as wide as she possibly could. Lirri’s voice shook with fear as she whispered. “You…” She leaned her head back away from Ben’s hand as it was instinctively drew closer to her face. A downpour of tears streamed down her face as she began screaming at him. “What happened to Ben? WHAT DID YOU DO TO BEN?!” Her body thrashed as Ben felt his other hand shoot upwards as Lirri’s screaming began shallow gasps and noises as her head was awkwardly leaning back now. She wiggled a bit as she was being Force Choked.

\------  
Ben shot awake as he fell forward onto the sand gasping. Lirri immediately awoke from the startling movement beside him. She dropped to the ground beside him as she grabbed his hands. “Ben,” she began as she saying his name. “Ben, look at me.”

Terrified eyes connected with Lirri’s green eyes as his breathing slowed down. Her eyes were pure of focus as she got him to count with her, although he barely registered saying the numbers with her.

When he finally calmed down, he pulled her tightly into his arms as he buried his face into her neck. Ben’s eyes stung with the urge to cry as he held on for dear life. Lirri was okay.

Lirri hugged back onto him as he whispered to him quietly reassuring statements.

Finally, he let go of Lirri. “Maybe we should head back.” His voice was quiet with low energy. Lirri nodded as she stood up and placed her bag over her one shoulder. The walk up the trail was almost an awkward silence. Ben was unsure what to say and just wanted to distract his mind.

“Ben,” Lirri softly began to speak, her voice full of concern and worry. “I know it may be tough and we are still new friends, but if you need to talk about your nightmares or want to try something to help you sleep, just tell me.” She had made a mental note to keep track of it in case he was drastically changing. “You can trust me not to tell the others and I won’t be upset if you wake me for that.”

It worried Lirri that he was having the nightmares. She knew it was far from the simple things involving dreams of being chased, no this was the dreams of seeing something horrible like a vision of the future. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I edited this on December 16, 2017 to work on the details some

Ben did not understand the sudden increase in Padawans, nor did he enjoy it. In the last two weeks, there had been nearly ten more teens to join the ranks. They annoyed Ben. For they were loud and overconfident, which led to getting in a few disagreements with Ben during some of the literary training sessions over the materials taught. With each passing day, Ben was growing far more irritated as he struggled to keep his cool on a regular day. He was getting the minimal amount of sleep, since his mind was tormented with each vision. His body was exhausted to the point as he nearly passed out a few times during the days.   
  
During the lunchtime, Ben sat against the building with his eyes closed as he avoided lunch with the rest of the Padawans. He was trying to think about why he was here in the first place. Everyone was annoying the living hell out of him as Ben almost wished to be back home with his mother and the quiet house. Although, Ben would admit to be away from his father and the arguments though. Not that his fathers were ever around anyways, since he was gone on many jobs.

Just thinking about Han irritated Ben to no end. The Padawans here and other people glorified his parents. They talked about how romantic the pair was and had Han seem to be this greater person when he was really just a smuggler that happened to charm his mother in a time of strife. Their life experiences created the relationships. A headache was forming as he felt it in the front of his head.

He groaned as a thud interrupted his thoughts. Lirri was sitting beside him as she held out a wrapped sandwich for him. He hesitated before taking the sandwich. Ben had not seen anyone or told anyone he was here, yet Lirri found him. He decided to not question it as Lirri drummed her fingers against her knees. Her eyes stared at her fingers as she spoke.

“Ben you seem distant and exhausted lately. As well as restless in class. I want to ask if you are okay, but clearly you aren’t. This last week alone you’ve fallen asleep three times in lessons.” Her eyes glanced over at him before shooting back down. “Why don’t you have some chamomile tea tonight with me and I can monitor you.”

He looked at the sandwich, as he brought it down to his lap as he looked over at Lirri. His hand went to rest on one of her hands to stop her drumming fingers. “I guess I could. If you are concerned for me.” He smiled a bit, as he noticed that she had a flush on her cheeks, but he was sure that he had his own matching blush.

“Why are you so concerned for me?” Ben prodded as Lirri visibly stiffened before her eyes darted around as she stumbled over words, the face.

“I – uh- uhm,” Lirri began before breathing out slowly as she waved her hands in front of her to pace herself. “I just care for you is all…” she explained while her cheeks changed to bright red as her hands went back to her knees. Ben tried his best to smother his chuckle as his thumb tenderly rubbed Lirri’s hand. The chuckle still came out though as he thought about some reasons why she cared for him.

It was sweet. He gave her hand a reassuring squeeze before he moved it away to start eating the sandwich. After the first bite, he leaned over. “Thank you for the sandwich, by the way.”

Lirri let them fall back into a comfortable silence as Ben ate his sandwich.

\----------  
Ben’s sleep that night was terrible as he tossed and turned in his bed. Lirri’s words repeated in his head as Ben pushed the sheets away from himself. He hoped that Lirri may be still awake so he didn’t wake her and he could take her offer on the chamomile tea. He decided it was worth the shot as he walked barefoot down the hall, ignoring the slight chill from the night time. Ben immediately noticed the door for the medical room was propped open with the light on. Lirri sat inside as she was reading a book. Her hair pushed back by a hair band. Ben watched for a moment before he knocked.

Lirri glanced over to him as Lirri tilted her head and set her book down. “Are you okay, Ben?” Lirri asked carefully as she eyed him up and down.

He nodded a bit as he awkwardly held his hands to the side as he walked in. “I was hoping I could take you up on the offer of that tea?” Ben’s tone was curious, giving her room to say no if needed.

She immediately nodded as Lirri jumped out of her chair, and went past Ben.   
“Yeah, I’ll just go get the tea made.” Lirri smoothed her shirt out before she walked out of the room.

After a few minutes, Ben decided to venture to the kitchen so he did not have to be bored in the medical room himself. Ben watched as she was rustling to get the tea made. She bent over to the lower cupboard to grab the tea leaves. Lirri then leaned up to try and grab one of the teapots that were on the top shelf of the cupboard. Off to the far corner was a stepstool, but Lirri seemed to ignore it. Her fingers were grazing the edge of the shelf as Ben stepped in. In a few strides, Ben leaned over Lirri as his fingers carefully wrapped around the teapot down onto the counter beside Lirri. She was pressed between Ben and the counter now as he stared down at her.

  
\-----  
Lirri stuck her tongue out as she was trying to grab the teapot without the stupid stool. She disliked being short. A warm body pressed against her back as fingers wrapped around the teapot handle and set down beside her. She turned as best as she could without pressing too much against the other body. Lirri eyes were directly in contact with the shirtless torso of Ben. Her back was firmly against the counter as her cheeks were on fire just from thinking of the shirtless man in front of her. Ben’s head hovered over hers as Lirri looked up to connect with his eyes.

His brown eyes were easy to get lost in as if they held great stories behind them. Even with the dark circles and heavy bags under Ben’s eyes. Lirri barely thought as her hand went to gently run along Ben’s jawline as if she was afraid of breaking him. Her eyes closed for a moment before lifting herself on her toes. On instinct, Lirri pressed her lips against Ben’s. The lips were considerably softer than Lirri could have predicted. She pulled away almost immediately in shock as she began to ramble.

“I’m so sorry, Ben. I shouldn’t have done that-” Lirri rambled as she ducked under Ben’s arm as he stayed still. She ran a hand through her hair, cursing as she walked to the exit. Lirri wanted to get away but was stopped with arms encircled her own body as it turned her around so she faced him. Her body froze as she kept her eyes away from Ben’s.

“Lirri,” Ben commanded with a slightly deeper voice. “Look up at him.”   
Lirri barely glanced up to see his eyes as Ben kissed her this time. Her hands rested against his chest carefully. His kiss was demanding compared to the peck of a kiss she had given to him. She melted in his touch instantly, tilting her head and responding to his actions with a sense of eagerness.

Large hands grasped at Lirri’s body, one on her waist and one on her hip as she was pulled firmly against his body. Lirri’s mind spun from the kiss as she finally pulled away when the need to oxygen became apparent. Her eyes were closed as she caught her breath again. The kettle was whistling beside them as she looked up to Ben. He pressed her lips softly against hers again as she breathed out.

“So, chamomile tea?”

Hands grasped at Lirri’s body, moving to grasps at her waist and hip while pulling her tinier body firmly against his own. Her mind was spinning in the kiss as her need for oxygen began to consume Lirri as she pulled away. Panting, she stared at Ben with a smile on Lirri’s face as Ben pressed his lips on hers again as Lirri breathed out. “So, chamomile tea?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, what did you guys think of the ending? I was at first going to hold off but I didn't think keeping it until chapter 13 would be fair for you. I'm going to try increasing the words in each chapter, so look forward to that.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was edited on December 16, 2017

Ben and Lirri sat in the medical room with Ben sitting on the bed, while Lirri sat on the nearby desk. Ben was quite comfortable in the atmosphere as Lirri stared down into her cup as she swirled the golden liquid. She focused on it instead of the boy nearby although thoughts of Ben continued to run through her mind. The way his eyes twinkled and drew her in, the way his lips moved when he spoke, how her name sounded on his lips and how his lips felt against hers. The sensation of his hands grabbing onto her. She suppressed a sigh as Lirri closed her eyes for a moment as she leaned her head back against the wall. Her mind was running around trying to think of any way for her to not make this more awkward for either party involved.

The flush stayed on her cheeks, and continued down her chest had been there nearly an hour. She was clicking her tongue as she tried thinking of strategy. Although her heart yearned to just continue this affection and head towards intimacy, that Lirri knew it was wrong. She was considered a superior to him as the helper of Luke. It was a power difference that was unfair to Ben. Even the older traditions declared that anyone in the Jedi lifestyle were not supposed to be in relationships since it caused a distraction. Sure, she was fine not being an official Jedi but Ben wanted to. She couldn’t take away that dream. Master Luke was far more accepting than the previous Jedi, but who knew when it came towards his own nephew.

Distracted by her own thoughts, Lirri was quite unaware of Ben getting closer to her until there was a slight tug on her hair as Ben was twirling her hair gently around his finger. Ben’s eyes were half lidded as he glanced at her lips before he pressed his lips against hers again.

Lirri kissed him back as the hand that had been playing with her hand, moved towards the back of her head as he wove his fingers in and grasped it gently. His other hand slid under the back of Lirri’s shirt that rested on the small of her back. Lirri’s hands held onto her cup before she pulled herself away with a sigh. Ben’s forehead pressed against hers as he tried keeping eye contact between them. Lirri set her cup to the side as Ben asked her softly.

  
“What’s bothering you?” Ben had questioned as Lirri sighed again, her eyes looking to the left as she avoided his big brown eyes.   
“Ben, should we be doing this?” Lirri questioned quietly as she cupped his cheek before looking him straight in the eyes. “I don’t want to just be a one night stand,” Lirri began before she continued. “I also don’t want you to get in trouble for being with me. I’m Master Skywalker’s apprentice and I have a position above you… kind of.”

Lirri quietly explained as she looked him in the eye. Ben could see the concern as he pulled her into a hug and nuzzled the side of head with his own. Lirri wrapped her arms around Ben’s torso, leaving little space between them as they continued their embrace with only the sounds of their breathing to disturb the silence. Lirri was emotionally exhausted but she wasn’t sure why the sudden urge to sleep overtook her as she fell asleep in Ben’s arms.

\----  
Ben’s body relaxed when he felt Lirri slump onto his torso with an even breathing as he tucked an arm under her legs as he scooped the small girl in his arms as he laid Lirri on the bed nearby. He had her on one side as he made sure the door was shut behind them before Ben laid beside Lirri. Sleeping over her thoughts would be a smart way to get all her thoughts figured out.

He was slightly proud with himself by being able to get Lirri to sleep using the force. Master Luke had been trying to teach the Padawans this, but up until this point no one had been successful. He could hear Lirri mumble in her sleep as she was shifting in her sleep towards Ben’s warm body beside her.

Ben wrapped his arm around Lirri, moving her body so her head rested on his chest below his neck as he pulled the blankets over the pair. He tried to relax his mind as he shut his eyes so he could sleep. It came faster than was predicted based on his past history.

\--------  
This time Ben was aware this wasn’t real life, more like a dream or vision. He was in an unfamiliar location. He was in a forest that was near a large lake, with a castle like building. The building was completely in rubble and smoking. His figure was walking out with a woman he did not recognize in his arms. She was unconscious but Ben could feel some sense of power from her. The area in front of him was full of StormTroopers. They were listening to a silver clad StormTrooper captain. She was holding a woman by her hair, arms tied behind her back and trying to not sob. It was the same mature Lirri figure, this time though with a healthy glow.

A few StormTroopers came towards Ben as they took the woman from his arms and onto the nearby ship. He walked over to the StormTrooper General and raised his arm up as Lirri’s faces rose in sync with the movements. Green eyes stared up at him. They were filled with heartbreak and pain as tears started falling down her cheeks. “Just end it already,” she hissed out in anger to Ben.

His voice spoke out for him, mechanical and wheezy. “Why would I do that? We have plans for you.” he did not want this voice coming out yet it continued. “Captain, put her in a room with guards outside. This time do NOT let anyone speak with her. Muzzle her if you must.”

Chills went down his spine as Ben turned in the vision and the scene changed. This was back on the island. Where the Padawans trained sometimes. It was near a path down towards the beach. Ben was standing at the edge of the cliff. It was a surreal moment as Ben heard the figure away from him screaming out in agony as Lirri was taking a running jump off the cliff, after what seemed to be a figure falling lifelessly towards the lake. Ben’s body moved as the Ben watching followed behind as he pushed through the trees and bushes to the path towards the water.

The hard noises of running caught his attention on the path as he noticed Master Skywalker running. Ben focused back as he was pulled over to his body’s place. He could see that at the beach Lirri was hovering over the limp figure. Her head was bleeding, but she was ignoring the blood trailing down her head as she was focusing on the chest compressions.

“Come on Igni.” she was muttering. Ben felt like the world was falling into slow motion as he watched Lirri slipping as she continued the compressions even as her movements were getting sloppier. She was beginning to grow week as Ben noticed she fell and did not move again.

He seemed to have control of his body once more as he ran over to the pair as he cried out her name. and didn’t move again.   
His vision changed again as Ben popped his eyes open as he gasped. He looked toward the room. It was the medical room that he had been in before as Ben remembered the previous night. Lirri was still laying on him, curled up with her head nuzzled in the crook of his neck. He glanced to the clock in the room, realizing that he had slept quite longer than usual. Deciding there was still time, but Ben squeezed her closer as he stared at the ceiling. He was hoping when he tried sleeping later that they would be more peaceful.

When Ben woke again, it was lighter in the room and Lirri was trying to squirm off of the bed. She smiled at him, as she pressed her lips against his forehead. “I’ve got to start breakfast.” Lirri explained as Ben noded. He figured it was time to get ready for the day.

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was edited on December 16, 2017

Ever since that day, Ben was happily sneaking around the lessons and other Padawans to spend time with Lirri. He enjoyed the feeling she gave him. So whether it was by pulling Lirri into a bush to kiss, sneaking out in the evening from the building to curl up and watch the night sky. He even was okay just spending time with Lirri by doing the dishes with her. Lirri made him feel better when she was around.

So it was late evening when Ben had peeked into the kitchen. Lirri was in the kitchen, drying a dish in her hand as she conversed with one of the newer Padawans. He had been there only been there for a few days, so it was natural for Lirri to be asking questions. Both seemed quite engaged in the conversation as Ben looked in and tried to focus so he could hear the conversation better. He was unable to, but he was able to read the body language as Lirri was starting to become uncomfortable and uninterested in it. The Padawan was not getting the hint as he moved closer. Ben watched as Lirri gave him a fake smile, saying an excuse a bit louder. Ben could hear it, as Lirri began to walk out of the room.

Ben moved away from his hiding spot, preparing himself to look like he was walking down the hall coincidentally. He counted down his estimate, but when Lirri did not exit, he went to the door to see Lirri. She was shoving the Padawan away with an unimpressed look. The Padawan stormed away, pushing past Ben.

He was angered as he thought about following the Padawan,

Ben peered in to see the process of Lirri shoving the Padawan away before storming out. Anger consumed him as the thought of why Lirri was pushing the Padawan away and that he was unable to help her. He turned and stormed away before Lirri could see him.

He did not want Lirri to see him this angry, and wanted to get it out of his system. The other Padawans were avoiding him as he walked through the hall. Ben’s body guided him to the training area and let all of his anger burst out of his system.

\---------

Lirri went searching for Ben after she had finished her chores. She was having an awful day. She found him as Ben was panting heavily. Ben was punching a hanging sack with a lot of energy behind it. The punching bag was about half a foot from the wall so every time Ben hit it, it would thud against the wall and bounce back at him. He was drenched in sweat, and his body was in need for a break, yet Ben continued.

Lirri was concerned for him as she slowly walked over towards him. “Hey Ben.” She called out quietly with some nervousness behind it. He kept continuing it without any sign of stopping as Lirri’s hand rested on his shoulder while speaking his name again.

The next moments happened in a blur as Lirri’s arm was grabbed a she was spun around and her back was slammed against the wall as it pushed the air out of her lungs. Lirri kept her eyes squeezed shut as she waited for a reaction.

Nothing happened as she opened an eye to see Ben holding her arm against the wall with a confused expression on his face. The pair looked at each other in awkward silence with mere inches from each other as a way to process what happened.

Finally Lirri whispered out. “Feeling better?”

Ben gave a half nod as he stared down at her. Eyes going between looking at her lips and eyes. Lirri was less concerned with why he was angry, but that more simply he was now much calmer. Ben gave her a slow nod again as Lirri smiled at him. It seemed that Ben was distracted by something else on his mind which was quite obvious. Taking the leap, Lirri leaned up on her toes so she could just reached his lips.

The sensation of Ben’s lips were familiar against hers as Ben’s grip on her arm loosened a bit as he took control of the kiss, tilting his head to deepen the kiss. Lirri could tell that Ben was using this to get the last of his frustrations out as she went along with it. Her free hand moved onto Ben’s neck before heading into his dark hair. She loved the soft feeling of his hair and how grounding it was to hold onto.

Ben let go of her hand as she moved it to rub his bicep. His hands moved to rest on her hip and thigh. Ben pushed her up the wall as the back of her shirt would bunch up. She gasped from her warm skin grazing the cold stone of the wall. Ben slid his tongue into her mouth, tracing over hers and grazing her teeth. His body was pressed firmly against Lirri’s as she wrapped her legs around his waist with a bit of help from Ben. Ben took a breath before he roughly pressed his lips against hers as he trailed the kisses from her jaw, to her ear lobe as he nipped it and tugged lightly on it with his teeth.

A whined escaped Lirri’s mouth, that became more of a gasp as his lips trailed down her throat and began sucking against her pulsepoint. She squirmed from the sensation, only for Ben to press his hips more firmly against hers. Ben was moving down slowly to nip and suck on different places as his hands began to go under her shirt.

Nearby voices could be heard as the two froze, as they stared at each other before helping Lirri’s legs go back down, as he helped her balance herself before stepping sideways a bit. Ben was staring down as he caught their breath. Although they still hadn’t thoroughly discussed it, Lirri was quite aware of the need they both had for secrecy. They were both secretly happy with this relationship, but it hurt her a bit that she couldn’t show everyone how happy she was with Ben.

\---------

They were training again with the Lightsabers. They had different levels of fighting. Where the first class used sticks only, the second could touch the lightsabers but not combat. The third class could do slow combat, instructed by Luke and the final class was allowed to duel under great supervision. This prevented the amount of limbs lost and injuries Lirri fixed. Ben had to sit with the other Padawans, a few of the quiet ones were near him thankfully. Lirri was on the sideline, so she could inspect and manage injuries so far. There had been a few scrapes, bruises and some minor lightsaber burns from getting too close to the skin. Beads of sweats were starting to trickle down as she kept healing the scrapes, burns and more serious bruises. There was at least 10 feet between the Padawans and the fighting circle as the Padawan spanned the edges. They were all wearing padding to help as well that made him feel uncomfortable and sweaty.

Ben was grateful to be the next to go, wanting to release more pent up frustration. The dreams were becoming worse, as the figure deemed to be Snoke was demanding Ben make a choice to join him. Snoke promised him ultimate power and fame. Ben would admit that he was considering it, but wanted to discuss this over with Lirri. He was hoping she would join him on this journey and leave the Padawans. If this man could train them privately, they could be great.

“Ben!” a voice rang out as he was pulled from his thoughts, as he looked over to Master Luke before nodding. He entered into the centre of the ring as he waved his hand and a lightsaber came to him. It was a temporary one, since he knew he would eventually make his own lightsaber or even receiving his Uncle’s. It seemed to be a family tradition. As he stood in wait, a Gungan named Telera came up to Ben. His long floppy ears were tied back to his face as he smiled at Ben. The Naboo native was much taller than Ben, mostly height in his legs.

They both stood on the center mat and turned on their lightsabers. Ben thrusted his arm to the side completely straight as he spread his feet to improve his balance and giving him a sturdy footing. Telera decided to take the offensive position as he immediately swung from his left, trying to hit Ben near the chest. Ben deflected it and with the lightsabers pushed Telera away from him. He spun the lightsaber in his hand before stepping forward and swooping under with the lightsaber. It was blocked by Telera’s again as Ben gritted his teeth.

This fight continued with blows and deflections that were not near full speed, since it was only considered practice. Ben could feel all the eyes on him, especially Master Luke and Lirri’s. Ben wanted to impress the both of them, as he pushed forward. Telera had gotten some distance between the pair as Ben stormed forward taking the offense position.

Clouds encircled him as the scene around him changed. The mats were impossible to see with dark clouds, and the sky was suddenly dark as night. Telera was gone, in his place was a blur heading closer to him. The figure was dressed in all black with their cloaked hood covering their face. The figure had a red lightsaber as they swung it at Ben.

Ben held his lightsaber in an attempt to defend himself. Ben had no idea what was happening as he continued to defend himself before seeing an opening. He swung his lightsaber at the handle, as it struck it and pushed the lightsaber out of his assailant’s hands.

“Weak.” the voice spoke as Ben’s next attack was deflected using the force as he was pushed back. The anger poured through him as he glared to the figure. “You don’t deserve to have the Skywalker legacy.” Ben’s nostrils flared as he clung to the lightsaber in both hands. How dare this man? Ben knew he was the strongest Padawan. He was going to hold his family name with pride.

“Yessss, let your anger flow.” An echoed voice spoke out through the clouds, that Ben had recognized as Snoke’s voice.   
\---------  
Lirri and Luke were enjoying the afternoon as they watched the spars. The Padawans were improving greatly with each day. Soon, they knew they would be moving up to a greater level. Although Lirri was planning a nap after this, since she was using a lot of focus to heal, something she was still working on. Ben and Telera were sparring each other, and was proving interesting. Both males were decent at fightings so it kept everyone on their toes.

Ben’s demeanour suddenly changed as the feeling in the air shifted around them. Ben charged Telera and swinging quite viciously. Telera screamed as Ben twisted and moved his lightsaber quiet fluidly. He was using a new style as he was attacking Telera. The poor boy was trying to defend himself while moving away to no luck. The other students fled to the other side of the circle as Luke and Lirri both sprang up.

Ben was speaking words that were nothing but garbled nonsense. Lirri could see the murderous glint in his eyes as she tried to think on what to do. Ben let out another cry of anger as he swung his lightsaber. Telera was starting to stumble and was overwhelmed by fear. He couldn’t keep up the movement with his own lightsaber. Each hit drew the lightsabers closer and closer to Telera’s skin.

Something was wrong with Ben and she needed to separate the two. Running onto the mats, Lirri began screaming at Ben to get his attention.

“BEN!” she screamed. “BEN LOOK HERE.” Ben continued to move towards Telera as she tried to figure out what to do. She didn’t want to be violent, it went against what she preferred. But Ben was overtaken by something and could seriously injured Telera. Luke was guarding the other Padawans, as Lirri saw that the lightsaber was in his non dominant hand, and further from her as Telera was coming towards her and the rest of the Padawan’s.

Lirri charged forward as she dug her shoulder and elbow into his chest as a way to knock him off balance. The pair tumbled to the ground as the she felt the searing pain of the lightsaber barely grazing her thigh. Lirri couldn’t hold back the blood curdling scream from the pain as tears were welling up in her eyes. Her back was shoved on the ground. Her green eyes connected with Ben’s as all she could see was dark pool of anger that was clouding up his normal colour. This was something that was affecting Ben deep to his core.

Lirri could see the lightsaber was off to the side as Ben’s hands momentarily went to her throat, when the clouds suddenly left his eyes.

“What?” Ben muttered as his eyes rolled back in his head as he collapsed onto her.

\--------------

Lirri couldn’t focus on any due to the sheer pain from her leg. She was sobbing and made the mistake of glancing down at it. There was an indent of the burn mark that was red and bleeding when she had been moving. Someone was carrying her to the room. It felt like an eternity as Lirri faded in and out of reality. When she could get a grasp on the situation, Lirri could see Luke was cleaning the wound and it hurt far less. Lirri knew that Luke had healed it to be less severe. She was seated on a chair with her leg being propped up on a different chair.

Glancing back, Lirri could see Ben who was still unconscious, completely still from the neck down and was mumbling all sorts of things under his breath as his head continued to go back and forth.

Luke’s face was full of worry, but he was focused on the task of hand as he tried to not look too much over at his nephew, Ben. It was an uncomfortable and suffocating silence as Lirri listened to any noises of Luke tending to her leg. She was trying to go through and figure out how to break the silence, but she was also afraid of the conversation at hand.

Master Luke could sense this from just knowing the girl well as he spoke first. “Something troubling you?” he questioned as Lirri nodded. Her head hurt from the crying and dizzy from the loss of blood before focusing.

“Ben isn’t well. He-” Lirri started as she sucked in a deep breath. She had wanted to keep this all between Ben and her but clearly fate had other plans. She buried her face in her hands as she spoke. “Ben hasn’t been sleeping well, and his physical health has been worsening. Ben’s haunted by something in his mind.”

Guilt was pouring through Lirri having to confess that she hid something from her Master, and then the guilt of breaking her confidentiality with Ben. So much had happened since she spoke it.

“Perhaps, but right now Lirri don’t focus on that.” Luke began as he started to wrap the wound. The cold metal of his hand causing shivers. “Please care for yourself first. Then, together, we can help Ben.”

She listened to him. “I’m not going to be able to rest if I am worried about him Master. He needs us more than ever.” she argued back.

There was silence for a brief moment as Ben’s head snapped to the right again. Lirri watched from the corner of her eye as he began to speak again.

  
Due to the silence, the pair could hear it quite clearly.“Snookkeeeeee”.

Lirri saw Luke visibly tense before finishing up the wrapping on her leg.

He paused before Luke spoke. “If you would like to help Lirri, you could do one thing for me.” He stood up as he looked down to her. “Watch Ben while I looked into something important.”

“Okay.” Lirri responded as she shifted the chairs so she could watch Ben better. Her eyes were watery as she stared at Ben’s figure in the bed. She hoped that he’d wake up soon. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woo hoo, finally getting into some drama. I really hope you guys are enjoying this so far! I am sorry for the delay but I am excited to write out the next few chapters.
> 
> Let me know what you guys think!


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, I just wanted to say thank you for all who have read it and commented, it really means a lot to me. :)
> 
> This was edited on December 16, 2017.

  
When Ben finally awoke, it was slow. His head felt like it was full of fog, her throat was scratchy and his vision blurry. He made himself focus on the ceiling until it improved a bit. Sitting up slowly, Ben coughed a few times as he allowed his brain to process what had happened. Last time he had remembered, he was about to practice dueling with Telera and now was in the medical room. This confused him more. He felt no stiffness or aches in his body other than his throat.

Across from him was Lirri curled up across two chairs. She was sleeping with a cold cup of tea sitting on the floor beside her. He could see around the lip of the cup where the steam reformed into droplets of water.

He watched her as Ben eyed her entire figure before stopping at the fact that she was in small shorts where a blush rose to his cheek before he saw underneath it was bandages. They were no long white, but rather had a reddish hue that was contrasting to her tanned skin, although it looked ashy in colour. A flash of Lirri’s face screaming in pain showed up in his mind as he gulped. Was he to blame for this. The sunken feeling in his gut made him believe so. He pushed up as Ben moved carefully towards Lirri, not wanting to wake her up by the noise. Ben kneeled beside her as he brushed the hair from her face, as his fingers grazed over her cheek.

Lirri was squished and uncomfortable looking on the chairs as Ben decided to move her and lay her on the bed. He had just gotten her in his arms as the door swung open. Luke came in, with both hands carrying a tray full of food. The two made eye contact as Ben then continued to lift Lirri up and carry her to the bed, before pulling the blankets up over her. Ben’s hand brushed Lirri’s hair before he turned to Luke.

There was an uncomfortable silence as Ben mumbled while looking down. “I don’t know what happened exactly.”

Luke nodded as he gestured to the two chairs, moving them to be better for a conversation.

“Can you tell me anything you can remember or anything that could explain what exactly happened today?” Luke questioned as he watched Ben slumped in his chair as he stared at his folded hands.   
“I’ve been having a lot of nightmares, and visions as of late.” His tone was quiet, as Ben continued. “I remember starting to fight, and then the vision happened again. A dark figure attacked me. Saying I was weak and not honouring the Skywalker legacy. I know I’m one of the most powerful people here!” Ben exclaimed, as he could feel the hostility boiling inside of him. He saw that Luke noticed this as Ben took a deep breath to calm himself down.

“Ben, being a Skywalker doesn’t matter. As long as you’re true to yourself, we will be proud of your accomplishments. Even if it doesn’t seem like that right now.” Luke’s smile widened a bit as he continued. “Power is not everything life is about Ben. It all depends on how you can use it. Great power is worthless when you use it like a fool.”

Luke gave Ben some time to process his words as Luke finally glanced over to Lirri and then leaned forward to Ben. “While we are chatting, is there anything else you would like to tell me?” His words were soft as Ben stiffened as he immediately shook his head. It wasn’t the time to tell his uncle about his relationship.

“If anything comes to mind, please let me know. You could use the rest.” Luke stood up as he went through and found a small bottle in the cupboard. “Training won’t begin for a few hours, but today you should relax and rest. You can take one of these and it should allow you to sleep without dreams.”

Ben glanced over at his Uncle, as he finally asked. “How bad is the injury Lirri has?” his voice was full of guilt and concern.

Luke leaned over and rested his left hand on Ben’s shoulder before patting him. “It’s much better now. I healed it to a more manageable level but wanted to give her time to rest. Lirri will be able to tend to it as she wishes.”

With a reassuring squeeze, Luke added. “These things happen, everyone will keep their limbs and we understand there was no malice behind it.” Luke turned and left Ben to ponder his words. “The other Padawans may be concerned but they’ll realize in time that no one was the enemy here.”

\--------  
Ben chose to not take the pill as he left the room to shower and clean up before he returned to the medic room. Although they weren’t Lirri’s, Ben did bring her a change of clothes for her to change into. Ben sat them near the tray of food as he noticed that Lirri was awake, and shuffling around, hopping on one foot to collect different things.

He figured it was to tend the wound. She was struggling to stay balanced as she was reaching for a high shelf. Ben took a deep breath as he called out to her.

“Lirri, sit down and tell me what you need exactly.” he grabbed the bandages off the shelf before ushering Lirri back to the bed. Lirri tried to protest before she just silently agreed and hopped over to rest on the bed.

“I need the green bottle from the next cupboard on the second shelf.” Lirri directed first, “As well as gauze and a bowl.” Ben was moving around to collect the supplies as he then sat awkwardly beside Lirri. He was afraid of being around her, knowing that he hurt her.

Lirri began to unwrap the bandages as Ben couldn’t help but stare in horror in the wound as he gulped. She remained as calm as she could while only wincing from the pain.

Lirri’s hands were shaking as she cleaned the room before he saw her concentrating on the wound as it healed a bit more before she starting wrapping it. Ben kept himself occupied as he fiddled with his clothes, tugging and twisting the hem of his shirt. By distracting himself, he could process his emotions.

He zoned out while doing this so much that Lirri had finished tending to her wound as she then carefully crawled towards Ben on the bed. She sat in front of him and waited only for Ben to not notice her. Lirri moved her hands to grabbed onto Ben’s as she pulled them into her lap.

Ben looked up to her eyes as Lirri squeezed his hands. She leaned up and let her face hover in front of his. It was a move to let Ben know that she still trusted him, and allowed Ben to decide how he wanted to move forward.

Ben had hesitated as he finally leaned forward and pressed his own lips against hers. Hands carefully cradled her chin, as if he was afraid to break her. This honestly surprised Ben that she would still be accepting of him, but it also relieved him.

That even after this screw up, Lirri was still accepting him warmly. That Lirri could forgive him. The guilt left him as he showed her as much as he could how happy he was about this in the kiss until he pulled away with the need for air. He kept his hands on Lirri’s chin as he finally asked.

“Aren’t you mad at me?” Ben questioned, before looking down at Lirri’s thigh. “For hurting you?”

Lirri looked at him with confusion before she glanced at Ben’s face. “You weren’t yourself then Ben. Your eyes were clouded over and I cannot see you intentionally hurting me.”

“Ben.. I, I lo- care for you and understand.” she responded as his heart starting racing. He knew what she was going to say as his expression turned to an ear to ear grin. Ben leaned overa nd kissed her again with his hand running through her hair. Lirri pressed her own hands against Ben’s chest, fingers dug into the shirt. Ben’s hands moved to Lirri’s back and hip.

Ben leaned forward as Lirri laid on the bed with Ben hovering over her, keeping an awareness of avoiding Lirri’s injury.

The kiss started quite quickly that was one full of tender love, to passion as hands started clinging to each other’s bare skin desperately as an underlying need was clear from both parties. Ben’s hands were pushing Lirri’s shirt up her skin as Lirri was kissing Ben’s jaw, nipping at the smooth skin. His cool fingers trailed up her skin as Lirri’s back curved towards him. Her fingers were tugging at his shirt.

The two separated only to remove their shirts as Ben pressed his forehead against Lirri’s own. They hadn’t passed this milestone, so they were both slightly embarrassed.

Lirri made the next move, asking the important question. “Ben, do you want to continue? We can stop anytime.” Ben paused for a moment to think as he smiled and whispered.

“Yes.” Ben whispered as he kissed her jawline and descended down her neck as a smile on the lips as they shared an intimate moment together. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, originally I was going to write smut for this story but I just keep feeling like it'll take away from the plot or something. What do you guys think? Would maybe writing side stories for any smut be preferred so that if you aren't interested you don't have to read it?


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry guys, life happened and I was struggling to find time, motivation or even an idea on how to write this chapter. But it is here finally!

It was simple times like this that Ben was grateful for, where he wasn’t concerned with training or the offer that was given to him the night before. Ben had barely slept the last night after the ‘dream’ he had – in fact the only time he had been relaxing was right now. Fingers ran through his hair and massaged Ben’s scalp as he let out a soft sigh. In the secluded section of the forest was Lirri and Ben enjoying a few moments of peace. Ben earlier in the day had feigned a headache and was relaxing in the wood and have a moment of peace from the others and his thoughts. Lirri found him after a bit of time and immediately relaxed with him. Ben was thankful she did not question him about anything but instead simply laid on the grass beside him and curled up with him. Ben had nodded off quite a few times during this and barely could tell you what time of day it was other than it was still day time due to the light trickling through the trees. It was peaceful.

Ben’s hand rubbed Lirri’s shoulder gently as she curled closer and let out a slightly confused noise to being awoke. “What’s up Ben?” Lirri finally spoke as she squirmed to press her head on his shoulder. Ben shrugged a bit. “Nothing, I’m just… content here with you.” Lirri gave him a sleepy smile that he saw from the corner of his eye as she leaned over to kiss his cheek. Ben drew her closer and shifted more on his side so he could stare into her eyes. Ben was content here as he tried to not think about his stress. That ‘dream’ was constantly in his mind as he tried to not burst. He was given the option from Snoke. It was too good to resist. All the power he could have, leading his own group of people in missions to better the world and to make his grandfather proud. Ben had a week to decide this.

In this moment though, he only wanted to focus on the girl curled into the grass with him. Ben could feel her hand on his side rubbing it tenderly as his eyes roamed, hovering on her thigh where the slight lump of the bandages were still. The pang of guilt had been lessened for him about this- but still slightly present.  As if sensing the tension, Lirri shifted again to curl up against Ben, with her head resting on his neck, her soft breath tickling his neck as he chuckled lightly and held her close. Ben’s eyes shut in content before letting himself nod off again.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

The next day, Ben and Lirri sat themselves in the grass again across from one another. Ben was getting assistance from Lirri on some of the training he had missed as of late. They were staring at each other with great concentration as Ben began to prod into Lirri’s brain. He was testing how to do this, as well as learning how to work with someone who was resisting. At the moment, Ben was having no resistance from Lirri as he was telling her what he saw.

“I see you relaxing on the edge of a beach, your feet are dangling in the water.” Ben said as Lirri nodded before he began to feel a slight pressure on resisting him. Ben pushed forward as he could feel the vision slipping slightly until it became clear again. “Okay, it’s clear again, you’re slowly dipping into the water. You are giggling, and it is adorable. You think the water is cold, but you are enjoying it.” Ben stated as Lirri nodded once again before she leaned closer and pushed Ben a bit more out of her mind. He made a groan in annoyance before he tried pushing forward, his forehead feeling sore. Lirri could see the stress as she touched Ben’s knee. “Okay Ben, I think this is enough for today.” Lirri began as Ben nodded before he let himself relax, and lean forward to grasp Lirri’s hands as he tilted his head.

“How did I do?” Ben questioned as Lirri gave him a large smile and a reassuring squeeze.

“Really well Ben, you are probably ahead of the others, by a few days of work.” Lirri began, before continuing to hold his hand. “I think with a lot of practice you could be good at this.”

Ben let out a sigh of relief before standing up and bringing Lirri up with him before pulling her into a hug as he whispered quietly in her ear. “Maybe you could give me some private lessons?” Ben heard Lirri laugh as she buried her face in his shoulder to hide the blush on her cheeks.

“Perhaps,” Lirri said as she moved to look up at Ben. “Although that may be on the backburner.” Lirri began before sighing. “Luke’s sending me on a mission for him sometime- it could be in a few days, or a few weeks.” Lirri stated as Ben immediately began frowning as he moved away.

“For what? Why?” Ben questioned while clenching his fist. His emotions were soaring as he was waiting for a response.

“From what I guessed, a supply run or to pick up new recruits.” Lirri said as Ben unclenched his hands before walking away. Lirri could tell Ben was upset, but was unsure exactly why he was provoked by her leaving. Running after Ben, Lirri cringed from the pain her thigh as she called out his name before finally catching up and trying to grab Ben only to trip in the last moment and fall over onto Ben. Both tumbled on the path as Lirri fell onto Ben’s back.

“Sorry.” Lirri mumbled before moving backwards to get off of Ben and look at him, “I just want to figure out why you are mad. Like, I’m not leaving for long Ben.” Lirri said as Ben shifted his body to move and face Lirri.

“It isn’t you- it’s just things are going so right at the moment and I don’t want you to leave.” Ben confessed as he looked at her. Lirri nodded slowly as she looked to him with a small smile.

“Don’t worry Ben, just know that I’ll always come back.”


	10. Chapter 10

Ben was annoyed and couldn’t sleep since his mind was racing. Ben accepted Snoke’s offer as soon as he was alone from Lirri. If he had unlimited powers, as Snoke promised, he could keep things from changing. Ben also knew that he could prove himself as a worth member of Skywalker clan. After all, around this age, his grandfather was this age when he had been married, his uncle became a Jedi and his mother were at war with the Dark Side- mind you, Ben definitely had always seen the world as shades of grey rather than the black and white of good and evil. Ben knew that ever since he was a child and had dreams of the terrible things that the ‘Good Side’ did.

Ben had not expected there to be a catch with the offer though. Ben was given a task to prove his willingness for Snoke. It made him shudder and grow concerned on how he could possibly complete the task. He was charged with disposing of one of the in training Padawan. Murder. Ben knew this was a task that was so dangerous and he wouldn’t be able to do well with it.

Ben was processing it again when there was a quiet knocking on his door. Sitting up he looked around before Ben heard the soft knocks again. Walking towards the bedroom door, he opened it slowly to see a girl, she resembled the limp figure he saw in a vision earlier. The one Lirri tried saving. Was it a sign? Ben had to take it as such. She was one of the few Twi’lek training – the only female one at the very least. Her name was Igni, he believed?

“Yes?” Ben questioned as she smiled to Ben.

“Master Luke told all of us to join him at night for a relaxing night under the stars. He believes there may be shooting stars quite visible to us and it could be a great moment to relax and meditate if we wish.” Igni said as he nodded, pretending he knew anything she had been talking about. She was quite bubbly, and eyes continuously observed him with an obvious flush on her face.

“Oh, right. “ Ben glanced down as his bare torso. “I’ll meet everyone out there.” Ben said before flashing a smile and shutting the door. He could hear the girl saying “Oh…okay.” Before he left to change his outfit. Ben knew that he should attend so that everyone would see him as being social and friendly- although he wasn’t going to be around for much longer.

Pulling on a long sleeved shirt and slipping on shoes, Ben left the room when he felt the hallway was empty. As he was walking by the kitchen a sweet smell hit his nose. Glancing into the kitchen, he noticed Lirri attempting to juggle a large bag on her shoulder, and a tray overflowing with all the requirements for hot drinks. Her one hand was inching towards the large container to carry hot water as Ben swooped in knowing it would be right to help. Grabbing the container before she could, Ben smirked and looked at her. “You know, you could use the Force to help you.” Ben stated as he saw Lirri stick a tongue out at him.

“That requires concentration for a long period of time, with the hope I don’t get distracted.” Lirri retorted before walking out of the kitchen with Ben following behind slowly.

“Oh distractions? Like what?” Ben questioned cheekily as she looked over to him purposely so he could see her roll her eyes.

“Students wishing to speak, an animal, or being distracted by a boyfriend. “ Lirri responded as she shifted her hands to open the door for Ben and usher him out before her as Lirri immediately heard a chuckle.

“Oh boyfriend? We have titles now?” Ben question as Lirri sped up her stepping so that he could see her nodding.

“I thought so, after all what else would you call us?” LIrri questioned in returned as she took the lead down the path.

“That’s what I’d call us, I just haven’t heard you say it.” Ben responded, happily enjoying the moment. It was nice to hear her call him that even though they were keeping this a secret. Lirri constantly brought him into a delighted mood even after the torment he was dealing with. Ben looked at her before pausing. “Are you wearing my shirt?” Ben questioned as he saw Lirri flushed immediately.

“Maybe, I don’t know.” Ben chuckled. “I just grabbed a clean shirt in my room.” Lirri responded as they could hear voices slowly becoming louder.

“Well, it looks good on you.” Ben told her with a wink before walking ahead.

They arrived at the beach where blankets and logs were strewn around a fire. Luke sat on a log with extra blankets beside him as Lirri immediately walked over to Luke’s area to place the tray down on a blanket. Ben handed Lirri the container of water as her hands overlapped his for a few moments before she slipped her hands up and took it from him with a thank you. Ben moved away as he looked around to see where was available.

Igni was leaning on a log that was pretty empty and she seemed pretty eager to have him sit near there. Everywhere else was either tightly crammed seats or he’d be sitting out of the circle. Taking it as his option, Ben sat on the far side of the log from Igni and as close to LIrri as he could who sat with Master Luke.

Ben noticed that out of the bag was different treats,that everyone was surrounding to grab at with a cup of tea. It seemed like eternity before everyone had sat down and Ben had a chance to grab his own cup of tea and some snacks before sitting down again, confused at the proximity of Igni being much closer now to his seat. Shrugging it off, Ben listened to his uncle speak.

Luke was telling them about the tales of his life as they asked. The one that was currently being told was about how Leia and Han fell in love. It was a wonderful story to those that only had the glimmer of the spun words from Luke, but Ben felt different. He did earnestly believe his parents were at least some point in love, but Ben also knew about the arguments they had and the amount of times Han left and Ben honestly believed he wouldn’t return and sometimes, Ben wished it since whenever Han was home, there was a brief moment of happiness before an argument ensued. Especially between himself and his own father.

Ben glanced at Lirri who was intently listening the story, her eyes wide as she had a similar love struck look on her face as many of the others did, only she kept glancing at Ben with a small smile. Lirri was a romantic, who knew?

\-----------------

Slowly all of the Padawans began to leave one by one with a few requiring a light nudge by Lirri or Luke to head to bed after they fell asleep out there. Each was ensured that they would be taking it light tomorrow after all the amazing progress that had been occurring. They deserved breaks after all. Soon it was dwindled down to have only Lirri and Ben left after they ensured Luke that they’d clean up and let him take it easy as well. Lirri was grabbing all the blankets and leftover supplies- thankful it was a lighter load with most people having taken their cups back with them. The fire was glowing slightly as Ben helped Lirri collect things into the bags nearby. Lirri stood back up as she looked at Ben with a smile.

“It was great to hear everyone’s stories tonight.” Lirri said beaming. “I think that we should do this more, to help everyone open up and form better emotional relationships between one another.”

“If I remember the Jedi Code correctly, it says ‘ _There is no emotion, there is peace._ _There is no ignorance, there is knowledge._ _There is no passion, there is serenity. There is no chaos, there is harmony._ _There is no death, there is the Force”_ Ben stated as he pulled Lirri close against him as he looked down at her.

Lirri wrapped her arms around Ben’s neck with a hand rubbing the back of it as she tilted her head. “I grew up with the variation of that. _Emotion, yet peace._ _Ignorance, yet knowledge._ _Passion, yet serenity._ _Chaos, yet harmony._ _Death, yet the Force.”_ Pausing for a moment Lirri continued. “The world could never be black and white, so the way of the Force must adapt to this.”

Ben was in shock when Lirri mentioned the shade of greys as he pulled her face up to kiss her softly. “That’s one thing I love about you, you understand. There isn’t just a light side or a dark side. It’s an old fashioned system.” Lirri smiled softly before shutting her mouth in an obvious attempt at suppress a yawn. Kissing her forehead, Ben pulled away to grab the container and dumped the remaining water on the fire to smother it. Gathering the tray and container, Ben left Lirri with the blankets.

“Let’s head back now, or else I may have to carry you too.” Ben said with a chuckle as she grabbed the blankets and followed Ben in a slow pace up to the temple. They shoved everything in the kitchen with glasses soaking. Ben saw Lirri in her tired state trying to clean the mugs. Ben knew she was going to try and clean everything before going to bed. He also knew that she would be likely to fall asleep over the sink and wake up incredibly stiff.

Ben went behind Lirri and scooped her up bridal style. Lirri went to protest this as Ben looked into her eyes, focusing and telling Lirri to sleep. It was almost instantaneous as she fell asleep with her head against his shoulder. Ben knew that it would be simpler if they stayed in the same room that night- and he enjoyed the idea of being able to cuddle her in the morning was a great bonus too.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so happy to give you guys a second chapter in the last twenty-four hours! I am on a bus currently between where my friends live and where I live/work so I wrote a nice chapter that is getting closer and closer to my ideal length. I hope to have the next chapter up by the 10th, so look out!
> 
> I hope to bring in the suggestions I heard more and more through the chapters.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, here is the newest chapter. Sorry for the delay, it was one hectic month!

Ben stared at his reflection as he tried to build up the courage to go complete his task. Earlier that day, he asked Igni to speak with him at sundwon near the cliff. Ben has also planned for Lirri to be distracted so she has no chance in getting in their way. Sucking in a deep breath, Ben walked out of his room.

  
He walked past the medic room as he heard the shuffling inside of Lirri hard at work dealing with the inventory count and creating a thorough list of supplies. Stepping in, Ben took a seat on the bed as he waited for Lirri to acknowledge his presence. She was crouched in a cupboard while murmuring various numbers as Ben glanced over as his girlfriend with a smirk before he saw Lirri slowly scooting her way out.\

  
Sighing, Lirri stood up and wrote down on a chart before hearing a cough. Glancing around, her eyes widened in surprise. “Ben what are you doing?” She questioned while walking over to stand beside the bed. The man in question sat up as Lirri raised an eyebrow. “I thought everyone was busy with training toda-“Lirri stated before she let out a squeal as arms wrapped around her hips and dragged them down. Ben held Lirri closed to him as he nuzzled his face against her neck.

  
Lirri laughed as she whispered to Ben. “What if someone notices you are gone or comes in? I don’t want your uncle finding out through a rumour.” Lirri said as Ben groaned before he kissed her neck.

  
“I don’t care, aren’t you tired of following rules?” Ben questioned as Lirri laid on him with her fingers grazing through his soft hair. Her eyes stared at him as she shrugged.

  
“The rules are here for a reason Ben. If you want, we can tell all after I finish the inventory and regathering supplies?” Lirri questioned as Ben stared into her eyes with a smile.

  
“That sounds nice.” Ben said as he knew this had not gone in the way he had planned but Ben appreciated spending quality with Lirri. Ben pulled away her headband as the short hairs fell around her face. Letting out a quiet sigh, Lirri nuzzled into Ben while he held her close. This is what he wanted to remember and keep close always. Lirri stayed like this for a few minutes before she moved her hands to cup Ben’s cheek, causing his lips to smush a bit. Lirri giggled at this as she leaned down and pressed a quick kiss to the lips. Ben chuckled as he imagined how his own face looked in the instance. Eyes met one another as Lirri finally asked. “How much free time do you have Ben?”

  
Smiling, Ben took a moment to think before pecking her lips and answering. “Enough to show you how much I love you.” Lips reconnected with Lirri who happily reciprocated.  
\-----------------------------------------

  
Ben tapped his foot while leaning against the tree. To his left was the cliff and far to the ride was the trail. Ben had skipped dinner in order to arrive before Igni. The rustling in the bushes drew Ben’s attention as he noticed the girl he was waiting for finally arrived. Igni was grinning ear to eat at this secret rendezvous as he glanced towards the cliff again. Igni stood in front of Ben as she rocked on heels and fingers fiddling with her sleeves. “So Ben, what is it you wanted to talk to me about?” Igni questioned as Ben looked down at her.

  
She seemed pretty unaware as he shrugged and decided to play it out a bit longer and build the trust. “Well, what do you think?” Ben prodded as Igni began to ramble about what the girls she had thought it meant and what she hoped. He almost wanted to break her spirits immediately and say he was happily taken but Ben continued on the charade.

  
Igni smiled as she began rambling more. He was waiting for just the right moment. The moment Igni made eye contact, Ben waved his hands.

“You will cease talking.” Ben stated as Igni stiffened before repeating what Ben stated before being silent. Smiling, Ben waved his hand in front of her face. He spoke slowly and calmly. “You will walk towards your right and keep walking.” Igni repeated his words before turning towards her right and began walking slowly. He was anxious about how slowly Igni was walking as he waited. Perhaps he should have said to run or go jump.

Watching this was almost surreal, he knew what he had told Igni and the actions, but he didn’t want to believe it for himself that Ben was actually going to end a life in a mere moment. His blood was pumping and Ben couldn’t help but stare at Igni as she walked. Igni was around two metres from the cliff when he heard a gasp. Looking over, Ben noticed Lirri, before he could react, Lirri was already at a running start towards Igni.

Anger flared as he tried to knit pick every moment of today trying to figure out where Lirri could have clued in. He knew what was happening as he ran down the path on the opposite way towards the beach as glanced back to see both Igni and Lirri go off of the cliff.

\-----------------------------------------------

Lirri had never intended to listen into the Padawan’s conversations at dinner but when Ben’s name came up, she couldn’t help but listen while clearing up the dishes. Lirri put the tub she was carrying dishes in on a nearby table as she began to gather the plates and other dishes. Lirri listened carefully.  
“Ben as in Ben Solo?” One Padawan said as Igni nodded her head in delight.

“Yup.” Igni began, making sure to add the emphasis to the ‘p’ before she continued. “He wants to meet me in in this exclusive area that overlooks the lake.” Igni let out a bit of a squeal before she stood up. “I need to go get ready, we are meeting at sundown. Don’t wait up for me, I feel like we are going to have fun all night long, if you catch my drift.”

Lirri felt the intense jealously coursing through her as the glass in her hand slipped and shattered on the ground. Gasping, Lirri jumped back as Igni looked at Lirri in confusion. “Are you okay Lirri?” Igni walked over and began to help Lirri pick up the larger chunks.

“Uh yeah, just tired from inventory is all.” Lirri said as she put on a fake smile. “I have this Igni, don’t worry.” Igni put the pieces she had into a bowl and nodded.

“Okay.” Igni stood up and looked at Lirri once more before leaving. She rushed to pick up all the pieces before taking the container into the kitchen and setting it on the counter. It was hard to breathe, and think straight. Lirri wanted to go straight up to Ben and demand an explanation but half of her wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt and Igni was just confused. She couldn’t let herself be mad at Igni, but Ben however, she could be furious with. Storming out of the kitchen, Lirri rushed out of the building. When she saw Igni leaving, she stopped herself and looked around trying to appear innocent before she felt there was enough space.

It wouldn’t hurt to follow, after all she was protecting Igni. Lirri made sure to keep far away and duck whenever she felt like Igni was going to be looking back. Upon the clearing, Lirri noticed Ben as she tensed up before hiding behind a tree to spy. If she got any closer Ben may notice her and she’d be ruined. Squinting her eyes, Lirri bit her lip trying to remain quiet. What confused her was Igni suddenly freezing. Igni was out of character being still… and well quiet. When Igni began to walk towards the cliff, a feeling of dread washed over her. She needed to save Igni.

Bolting forward, Lirri chased after Igni who was practically at the edge. Ben flashed by her vision but there was other priorities. Igni went over as Lirri cried out and jumped off the edge as well. As soon as she jumped, Lirri realized that there was probably better methods to have done this – lick the Force for example. The water hit her hard as Lirri gasped, her lungs burning from the sudden lack of air. Her head knocked against something and it dazed her. Looking around under water, Lirri couldn’t seem to focus as there was two of everything. Seeing Igni face down under the water she swam towards the center of the two blurs and used her hands to feel for what would be Igni. Grasping it, Lirri pulled the body closed as she kicked upwards towards the surface. Her eyes burned and lungs screamed for oxygen. Her head was pounding like a rock and made it hard to concentrate or keep open her eyes.

  
Breaking the surface, Lirri gasped for air before dragging herself to the shore, her one arm clinging around Igni. When she felt the sand, Lirri tossed Igni to the side and crawled over to her. Her eyes were heavy, and head was spinning. Checking for a pulse, Lirri cursed as she didn’t feel one on Igni’s. Lirri began what she hoped would work. CPR. Lirri’s hands were pressing down on Igni’s chest, trying to restart her heart while staying awake. It became harder and harder to focus as Lirri continued to try and revive Igni.

  
“C-co-come o-o-on Ig-ig-niiii.” Lirri stumbled out as she continued the compressions even when she fell and pushed herself back up. Lirri’s eyes finally closed as she fell onto Igni, not realizing the faint coughing come from Igni or the barely moving chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dun dun dun! I suck at suspense. Next chapter should be up soon and it'll be the last one of backstory before we get on the main event.


	12. Chapter 12

Ben saw the two girls collapsed on the sand as he drew closer to them. Both were showing signs of breathing and that wasn’t okay. He knelt beside the two as he let his fingers gently stroke Lirri’s hair as he bit his lip. She wasn’t supposed to get involved and yet here she was, bruised and unconscious at the very least on top of Igni- a girl who was to be dead. Ben had already done too much to back out of the power he was to have, the future that was just near his fingertips.

Staring at Igni, Ben could feel his blood boiling with rage as he raised one hand. He focused his attention on Igni as a small sputtering noise started coming out of Igni. Glaring, Ben closed his hand slightly. Igni’s sputtering noise became more of a choked gasp with her body stiffening before suddenly going limp. Ben held his hand where it was for a moment as he felt the calmness slowly washed over him. Ben turned his attention to Lirri.

He would have to leave her, after all, Lirri was still in the light and Ben wasn’t at a point in his life where he was powerful enough to woo Lirri from this. Ben was careful as he leaned down and pressed a kissed to her head, eyes prickling with tears before he pulled away. His steps were quick and shaky as he made haste to the meeting spot.

\-------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Luke hated to bring bad news, especially when he was having difficulties processing the information himself. His own nephew left with Igni’s bizarre death as a coincidental distraction. Now his apprentice was searching for answers after she awoke from being unconscious nearly two weeks.

Lirri turned and looked at Luke as her shaky hands clung to the tea cup as her legs hung off the bed. Her eyes were red and puffy as her brain tried processing everything her master told her once again. “Bu-but why?” was all Lirri could get out as Luke leaned over and put a hand on her knee in an act of empathy.

“I’m afraid I can’t answer that Lirri,” Luke began as he spoke softly. “But just know that you did all you could.” Luke knew that Lirri was quite close with Ben, no matter how discreet they attempted to be. Luke didn’t mind as long as training was not interrupted. They say in silence for a bit, it wasn’t comfortable but also not awkward.  

Lirri’s fingers tapped against the cup as Luke glanced up to see the tears streaming down her face as she tried to choke back the sobs. Luke took his hand back as he let Lirri let out these emotions as he sat there patiently.

Finally, Lirri broke the silence. “Lu- Luke I need to go find him. I need to find clues.” Lirri said as she set the mug nearby and stood on her feet before wobbling as Lirri tried to get grounded. Luke lurched forward to catch Lirri but she put out a hand to stop him.

“I don’t think that is wise Lirri, we don’t know where to look.” Luke responded as she turned to look at him, arms flailing.

“I can’t just sit here though- he’s out there.” Lirri wanted answers but most importantly, Lirri wanted to be away from this place since it just reminded her of everything. Most importantly, it reminded Lirri that she let Igni down and was too late pulling her out of the water as far as she knew. That whole day was blurry, other than Igni going over the cliff with her trying to be the hero.

“I understand, but just wait until you’ve recovered Lirri.” Luke began as he stood up with her. “You can’t very well run a ship in your condition. Besides, this can’t be the last we see of Ben, have faith.”

There was a tension in the room, Luke could feel it but it seemed to break the instant Lirri nodded her head as Luke embraced her in a hug.

__________________________________________________________________  
  
When Luke left Lirri that night she was sound asleep- although he knew it would only be a matter of time before the dreams took over. Luke knew Lirri, her dreams would become excessive when she was under emotional duress. He sat outside the building and watched the stars. Deep down, Luke had a terrible feeling of what was to come but he couldn’t bear to think about it after all that happened.

Wherever Ben was, Luke hoped he was safe.

__________________________________________________________________

Lirri left around a month later, after ensuring that the training grounds were in working order for Luke to run by himself. She was prepping a small one man ship that she could take to get more food supplies, herbs and if possible, inspect a possible lead. Her trip was one that felt lonely, but Lirri began to get used to the feeling.

When Luke met her at Maz Kanata’s, she was terrified. Luke wouldn’t have left the Padawans alone like this without either of them. He seemed rather beat up himself, with some cuts and bruises hiding under the edges of cloth. Both of them sat at a back table until Luke spoke.

“Lirri, they’re all gone.” His head was hung low and eyes squeezed shut. Luke mumbled afterwards. “The Knights of Ren came and killed all the Padawan.” Lirri stared at Luke for a moment as the thought sunk in. Her body going from its relaxed composure to tensed.

“Luke, there had to have been some survivors we’re Jedi being trained by you! The older Padawan should have been able to defend themselves and the young ones.” Lirri was going through a flurry of emotions as she stood up and slammed her hands on the table suddenly.

“We’ll go back and check for survivors. Then we can make sure we can protect them and any other force sensitives we find!” Lirri’s brain was going 14 parsecs a second trying to solve the issue not full realizing the circumstances.

“Lirri, we can’t.”

“What do you mean we can’t?” she asked hesitantly before sitting back down.

“The whole training grounds… they’re destroyed. All of it. The other force sensitives were killed before we were attacked.” Luke explained. He stood up as he ushered Lirri to stand up and walk with him as he tied his cloak back on.

When they got outside, Luke walked them towards the lake, hoping the calm atmosphere would make this easier for both of them. Lirri stared at the water while making some glances towards Luke.

“Lirri, we aren’t safe and being around myself won’t protect you.” Luke began as Lirri looked at Luke in shock. It was clear that she was confused to what he was going to. “That’s why I’m leaving to a place no one can find me.” Luke turned to place his real hand on Lirri’s shoulder. “Please be safe- go to the Resistance with my sister Leia if you must. Just keep ear out for the Knights of Ren and avoid them.”

Lirri nodded, as the words sunk in before springing forward to hug her mentor. “Luke… thank you.” She choked out before she pulled away and smiled sadly at him. “This isn’t a permanent goodbye Master Luke. We will meet again.” She promised as Luke left her staring at her reflection in the water.   

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time to skip forward to get you guys more Kylo Ren!


	13. Chapter 13

Lirri walked across the dessert of Tuanul, stopping at some of the vendors to grab fruit and other little things that caught her eyes. Her hair was covered in a hood, and a scarf around her neck to pull up when it gets much too windy. Her green eyes scanned the dessert until she noticed the old man watching Lirri from the other side of the market. Lirri knew it was her contact. Walking towards the exit, Lirri glanced back to see Lor San following her as she moved to lean against a wall until Lor San got towards her. Lor San smiled as he waved Lirri to follow him to a small hut.

  
Lor San offered her a seat as she took it as she pulled down the hood and smiled at the elderly gentleman. “Mr. Tekka, thank you having me.” Lirri said as the older man sat across from her as he nodded.

  
“Yes, well after you and your master’s communications, I wanted to get in touch as quickly as I could.” Lirri nodded as her hands anxiously shifted in her lap.

“Yes, it’s been quite some time since Master Skywalker had sent communication to me until this came in saying he wanted you to be given this.” Lirri’s hand shifted to a small hidden pocket in her jacket to pull out a small drive. Lor San put out his hand as Lirri took a moment before putting it in Lor San’s hand. It felt strange for it to not be physically touching the drive anymore.

“I’m already working on finding a secure contact to get in touch with the Rebel Alliance and General Organa. With how things are going with the Order, we may need Luke soon.” Lirri nodded as she sighed.

“Well, it’s almost been ten years.” Lirri responded as she ran a hand through her hair. Lor San could see the woman in front of him was exhausted from her journey. From what he had heard, Lirri rarely was in a place for long enough to settle, at most a few weeks. “Anyways, I’m afraid I should leave Mr. Tekka.” Lirri added before standing up and bringing her hood up. “Trouble sometimes follows me.”

Lirri gave Lor San Tekka a soft small smile as she left the hut. It felt as if she was missing a piece of herself leaving without the drive.

Lirri flew away from the spiritual village on Jakku as she let out an anxious breathe that she had been holding since the moment she landed on Jakku. Lirri felt the urge to breathe as she finally saw Odem. Lirri landed the small ship on the island making sure to have it covered under some trees. After landing, Lirri took a walk around the planet, still close to the ship as she breathed in relief feeling a moment’s peace. There was no one else anywhere nearby as she sat under a tree, allowing herself a short few minutes to mediate and calm her mind before going back into her ship and collapsing on the cot in a restless sleep.

Lirri woke up with a strange feeling in her gut as she rubbed the back of her neck. Even after eating, she still was racked with this unsettling feeling as she decided that just after a day she would need to leave Odem and head towards Maz Kanata’s at Takodana. The young woman knew it would be a long travel and she needed to fill her pouch with water. The trip to the faraway stream seemed to take forever but as she walked back a heavy pressure filled the air. It was nothing but dread.  
Quickening her steps, Lirri was focusing on getting to the ship and leaving the planet before her eyes landed on the Storm Troopers up ahead. Lirri hadn’t seen Storm Troopers in a few months, and even then she evaded them. Hoping for the best, Lirri chose to try and evade them again. She found a large tree with heavy foliage as she hastily scrambled up it and hid in the leaves; ignoring all the sticks and raised bark that scratched at her skin. The Storm Troopers turned to look in the same direction as Lirri saw a silver Storm Trooper. Cursing to herself, she hated that unlike usual it wasn’t the typical flock of basic Storm Troopers.

Moving towards the middle of the tree, Lirri took calming breaths as she sipped some water before pulling her scarf up to cover her mouth and have the hood hide her hair. Leaning forward again, Lirri tried to judge her situation as she took in a dark clad figure with a cape flowing behind him. Kylo Ren. The murderer of the Jedi Padawans. Her heart was pounding and her brained raced in hopes of coming up with a plan that would get her at least to a place where she could get a ride to Maz Kanata’s. It seemed like they were discussing a plan, with all looking away from her tree. Taking the opportunity, Lirri climbed down the tree slowly in hopes that she could keep it quietly.

A yelling could be heard as she saw Storm Troopers looking at her tree. Instinct took over as she heard the blaster go off, Lirri turned and immediately raised a hand to stop the shot in its track about 10 feet from the tree. Lirri gasped as she realized that if Kylo Ren hadn’t realized she was Force Sensitive, they would now. Which was almost like her signing her own death sentence.

Taking the chance when the Storm Troopers were shocked, Lirri jumped the last few feet out of the tree before running for it as the sparks and leaves fell down on her. She ran in a zig zagged pattern between the trees- thankful for the thick forest as she could hear the shots hitting around her. Her lungs were burning and brain racing so much, she wasn’t even sure how her legs were moving this quickly.

The shots were getting closer to her as she glanced back to see the Silver Storm Trooper pointing at something ahead of her as Lirri made a sharp right turn, nearly crashing into a tree. Her instincts were almost screaming at her for doing the wrong thing as she felt the energy getting stronger as she moved.

Lirri glanced and saw the left was about to open for her as she moved her body to turn when a sharp force drove against her shoulder, driving Lirri to the ground and rolling into the trunk of a tree. Crying out in pain, Lirri stood up as her right hand moved to touch her left shoulder, feeling a wetness on her fingers as the smell of copper invaded her senses. Lirri began to run again, as her senses felt like she were all in overdrive. Lirri passed a tree as black and bright red flashed in the corner of her eye with the buzz of a lightsaber- her body moved to go right but arms snatched around her waist and pushed her against the tree with a single hand around her throat that dragged her up the bark until she was eye level with Kylo Ren and her feet were dangling. The lightsaber was in her peripheral vision. LIrri kicked at his legs as her hands clawed to his hand around her throat. She wasn’t going out this way- not by choking or lightsaber.

Kylo Ren leaned towards her as she could feel the fear overcoming her and her ability to handle the Force. “Sleep.” He commanded as her eyes immediately shut and body went limp. He scooped her up in his arms.

Kylo saw Captain Phasma nearby as he pointed back towards the ship.  
“Search the ship.” He commanded before walking away with Lirri.

  
\-------------------------------------------- 

Kylo Ren watched as they returned Lirri to her chair, making sure the restraints were in place. He sent the guards away as he let out a deep breath. When the door was shut, Kylo removed his helmet and stared at this familiar face unconscious in front of him. It had been ten years almost since he saw her and he could see how she had aged. Her body had filled out to have a more defined pear shape. Her skin was still sun kissed but did nothing to hide the dark circles under her eyes that were framed by her grown out hair. She looked at peace in the moment without the stress lines and closed eyes.  
 

Kylo couldn’t deny she was still as beautiful as the last time he had physically seen her this close even with her injuries from being on the run and the Storm Troopers interrogating her. He continued to observe her for a few more minutes before he put his helmet back on before she saw his face. Kylo knew that it would be something that may shock her enough to give him the upperhand if necessary.  
Kylo could hear the soft groan escape her lips as he stood in front of her. It took some time for Lirri to open her eyes as he watched. Lirri let out a cough as he noticed some blood trickle onto the side of her lip. His hands were folded together with under all emotion hidden under his mask. Lirri’s eyes ran up Kylo Ren’s form as her eyes landed on his mask before cussing her breath and closing her eyes as she leaned her head back.

“Just kill me now.” She muttered as Kylo stepped forward.

“Now why would we do that?” Kylo asked as he watched her body language –shoulders tense and eyes squeezed so shut it looked almost painful.

“Because you won’t get any information out of me.” She replied with a hint of honesty in her voice. To her this was the truth.

“I will admit, I am impressed that no one has gotten the information out of you on who you gave the map to. It’s been nearly a week.” Kylo said calmly as he brought a stool closer to his prisoner.

Lirri smirked as she leaned her head up. “You think I’d give away information to mind washed soldiers who hide behind masks or any members of the First Order?” Scoffing her green eyes looked towards the mask.

Stepping forward, Kylo tilted his head. “Of course I do. Everyone breaks eventually.” Looking down a bit to the bruises that littered her skin, with the cut marks and her red shoulder- it seemed angry with irritation. Taking his hand, he pressed it on Lirri’s shoulder. A painful gasp escaped her lips as she tried shaking her shoulders to get his hand off. Kylo’s hand pushed harder against it until her shoulder was firmly against the metal. He continued for as he stared at Lirri’s face; seeing that she was biting her lip to suppress the noise, Kylo knew it was causing her quite a bit of pain. He continued pressing until he finally heard Lirri whimper.

Pulling his gloved hand away, Kylo took a step backas Lirri caught her breath. “I- won’t break and tell you.” She whispered as Kylo nodded before hearing a knocking on the door; as he stormed over to open it. On the other side was General Hux, standing impatiently.

“We have a meeting-“Hux began as Kylo cut him off.

“I’m busy.”

“It’s with Snoke.” Hux added as Kylo sighed; it was not something to put off. Glancing back to Lirri, he smirked before leaving the room and sending Storm Troopers in to continue.

\------------------

Lirri’s teeth were chattering as she was placed back onto the board like thing she spent most of her time in. Her damp clothing sticking to her skin as she felt the braces around her ankles and wrists, digging into the raw skin of her wrists. She was left alone briefly as the exhaustion began to take a hold of as she decided to rest her eyes for a few minutes.

A blaring noise brought her awake as she glared to the Storm Trooper that had appeared. “No sleeping.” They declared before walking away. Closing her eyes again, she heard the blaring noise as her eyes opened once again as the Storm Trooper stared at her and came to stand beside her.

Lirri was quite annoyed at this situation. She hadn’t been able to eat in a few days, had only been given a small cup of water a day and now wasn’t allowed to sleep. Glaring at the Storm Trooper, she took a deep breath.

“You will let me sleep.” Lirri declared, feeling the power behind the Storm Trooper’s words. The Storm Trooper stiffened their posture.

“I will let you sleep.”

“You will guard the door so I can sleep.”

“I will guard the door so you can sleep.” The Storm Trooper spoke before walking to the door as she relaxed. Her body craved the rest. She knew that if she had tried to escape, it would be destined to fail since her body lacked the energy. Closing her eyes again, Lirri let sleep overcome her.

Lirri awoke to her body feeling stiff but also a new bit of energy and clarity in her mind. Rolling her head a bit to loosen up her neck as she began to hum an old tune that the Padawan used to sing by the fire as she waited for someone to drag her away or talk with her. As if it was a cue, the door swung open with Kylo coming through, anger seeping from him.

He stormed up to her before she felt the pressure in her head. He was trying to go through her thoughts as she cried out and resisted. Her bran focused on any memories that would keep her thoughts from the drive that had the map. The bonfires came into her mind as she thought about everyone spending time with each other as people slowly left. Being left with Ben and sharing a tender moment. The pain in her mind was incredible as Lirri focused on the memory. She wasn’t sure how long it lasted until she felt the pain stop as she glanced to Kylo Ren.

She could tell he annoyed by his clenched fists but they slowly relaxed as they raised to touch his mask towards the back. The helmet hissed before Kylo removed it- revealing long waves of dark hair and a face that Lirri could recognize in a heartbeat. Biting her lip, she stared at Kylo’s chest- trying to not think about his face or personality. His voice was more natural to her, and it made her heart hurt.  
“You’re resilience at this point is nothing but fruitless. We are already tracking your journey from that ship of yours.” Kylo said as he leaned forward and grabbed her face by the chin to yank her face up to look at his own.

The expression on his softened as Lirri leaned a bit forward. “If you just give in Lirri and tell us the information you can stop running. Join the First Order. You would have a bed, shower, and people to do as you ordered.” Kylo offered with a polite tone as his hand softened its grip.  
Lirri’s eyes connected with his as she forced them to close as she shook her head.

“The First Order needs this information Lirri one way or another. We need to stop those Rebels.” He explained while staring at her, hoping for her eyes to open once more.

“No; you’ll have to pry that information out of me. Master Skywalker is needed to help when the newest Force Sensitives are born or found.” She whispered before her face was let go.

“Fine; if you want it the hard way, we’ll do it the hard way.”


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry; I definitely posted this chapter on fanfiction.net months before and forgot to post it here. It was only when I was working on a new chapter that I realized it. My bad.

Lirri had no clue what time it was, or where she was going as she was being dragged the hallway. Her arms were tied in front of her and her feet bound. The Storm Troopers didn’t care as they forced to down the hallway with her shins rubbing against the tile floor. The Troopers brought Lirri into a room where there was a large tub in the center that had its metal lid to the side. Lirri fought back against the dragging as she realized it was full of water. The Storm Troopers threw her in almost effortlessly as she let out a gasp of surprise from the cold temperature before she felt a hand grip onto her hair and twist. Lirri let out a whimper of pain as she looked up to the Storm Trooper and noticed the Silver glint to the suit.

“Tell us where you left the map.” The Storm Trooper questioned as Lirri shook her head.

“No.” she spat out as the hand pushed Lirri’s head under the water. Lirri squirmed as she tried to get away, her lungs were crying for air by the time she was being pulled back up. Gasping for air, Lirri looked around to the Storm Troopers as the captain asked once again.

“Tell us where you left it.”

“N- no.” Lirri responded as she felt her stomach tighten, knowing what was about to happen next. Sure enough, Lirri was dipped under the water again as she continued to struggle as best she could. Her body was beginning to feel lethargic.

Lirri couldn’t keep track of how many times this happened, other than her teeth were chattering and she could no longer struggle against the hand pushing her down and pulling her up. The Storm Trooper captain let her subordinate take over as the other began to leave.

“Perhaps some time to float will give the Jedi motivation to speak.” The Storm Trooper nodded as Lirri could hear movements as a metal lid was brought over her and with a final push from the Storm Trooper holding her down, Lirri was trapped in a container with very little space between the water and the lid.

Closing her eyes, Lirri let herself focus on things to calm her and meditate with her face pushing in the space so she could get air as the chill finished settling into her system.

_\---_

The disturbance in the Force was immediate and pierced right into Kylo Ren, especially considering how usually calm it had been around him these last few years. The last time he felt a disturbance this grace was when he killed the other Jedi Padawan. His emotions guided him as Kylo stormed out of his meeting with Hux- who should be quite used to it by now in search of the disturbance. He entered a room and noticed a few Storm Troopers were standing towards the door in a conversation. The water tank nearby was the source as he marched over. The doors swooshed open as he heard the Storm Troopers running away. Opening the lid, he saw the pale form of Lirri as she laid there with her face hovering barely at the surface. Her lips were blue as he pulled her out and held her in his arms. Her breathing was shallow but present as he carried her away towards his chamber.

Kylo didn’t trust the rest to care for her as he laid her on his bed. Lirri’s fingers weakly held onto his shirt as she whispered. “Ben… don’t leave me.” She mumbled before going back unconscious and fingers slipping from his shirt. Kylo covered Lirri in a few layers of blankets before leaving briefly to have a discussion with Captain Phasma about this, his lightsaber in hand in case he needed to make a point.

\---------------------------------  
  
Lirri felt as if she was floating as she felt the warmth to her side. She felt stiff and cold as she suck out the warmth to curl around. She felt comfortable in the soft wrapping of blanket as she buried her head in the warmth beside her.

A soothing voice spoke to her as Lirri pressed against the warmth. “You’re safe Lirri.” It repeated over and over as Lirri sighed. It was a voice she recognized but couldn’t place. All she knew was that she was safe. Curling up tighter against the figure, Lirri let herself sleep once again.

The next time she awoke, Lirri felt warm hands moving her to raise her head, her body was stiff but she didn’t protest it. Something pressed against her lips as she opened them to let the warm liquid pour down her throat. She barely registered the taste, but her body seemed thankful to have something entering it. Lirri felt the dish leave her lips as she opened her eyes a bit to see dark curls of hair as she smiled a bit and stayed in her raised position. Lirri felt nothing but trust in that moment as she pulled the blanket up a bit as the warm person laid beside her again. Lirri scooted close to them and laid her head on their chest.

She felt sleep coming quickly again, pulling against her conscious as she mumbled a question to the person.

“Did the drive get to Lor San?” she asked but didn’t hear an answer as she drifted off to sleep again.

\-------------------------  
  
It had been nearly a day since Kylo found Lirri and brought her to his chambers. He asked his grandfather for advice after talking with Phasma, but that turned up empty. So now he was tending to her in a way she used to for him. Every few hours she’d speak or mumble something before returning to sleep. It was clear she was not entirely there- and wasn’t remembering that she had been taken hostage by the First Order.

When the soup he requested was brought in, Kylo raised Lirri into a seated position as he sat beside her, stirring the soup once more before pressing the side of the bowl to her lips and carefully poured a bit in. Lirri seemed to respond to this as she drank the broth quickly- Kylo wasn’t sure if she tasted it as she went. He set the bowl aside and ate some of his own as she laid there since he barely left her side unless needed now.

When he finished, Kylo sighed and laid on the bed once again as Lirri immediately pressed into him and cuddled close with a happy sigh. His heart ached a bit, feeling the sparks run through his skin from where Lirri pressed against him and remembering all the times she did so previously. His arms wrapped around her body and held her close as he stared at the ceiling to think about a lot of things- including what General Snoke would think of this.

Kylo barely heard Lirri speak, but when he did, his heart stop. “Did…drive … to Lor San?”

Lirri had asked but when he looked down, she was clearly asleep. Kylo waited until he knew that Lirri was deeply asleep before he moved her to rest on his pillow before standing to go to speak with Hux and Phasma about how to find the location of Lor San. He felt a twinge of guilt as he passed on this information but this was also what he was to do- Lirri was here as a prisoner that had information they required. General Hux had decided to start sending ships back to the last few places Lirri’s ship had been according to the GPS on it and figure out if there was anyone called Lor San around.

When Kylo finished the meeting, he rushed to the room he kept his most prized possession. The mask was waiting for him as Kylo sat down and began to speak.

“I’m torn grandfather. We are to rid the world of Jedi yet the one I cared about long ago returned and has brought back those weak feelings. How did you keep these emotions buried Grandfather?” Kylo asked before he sighed and asked. “Did you have these struggles with grandmother?”  Kylo buried his face in his hands before standing up. It was time to speak with General Snoke or soon would be as he left the room.

Although he rarely got answers, Kylo always felt better when he spoke to his grandfather- even if he rarely got any form of answer from these interactions. Walking through the halls, Kylo could see the Storm Troopers avoiding him as a small smirk formed on his lips. He was all powerful, he was a leader on the ship and to his Knights. Opening the door, Kylo walked in to see General Snoke waiting for him.

Bowing, Kylo stopped walking until he was told to rise and remove his mask. “The Jedi has spoke Lord Snoke. She’s told us who she gave the map to.”

“Good,” Snoke hissed out as he leaned into his large chair. “What is your plan for her now, Ren?”

Kylo paused as he looked to the ground. He was honestly unsure and took a moment before speaking. “The Jedi used to be a great healer for the Padawans and I believe she could prove useful for this if we can convince her to join The First Order.”

“That sounds like a wise plan. This Jedi, she shall be easily swayed by you Ren, after all this Jedi is still harboring feeling to help her poor lost partner from long ago.” Snoke moved to lean forward. “Convince her you are conflicted and still have feelings for her in order to make her attached. Then she’ll stay because of the emotions and can potentially be used to bring in the newest Knights that can be a part of your First Order.”

“Yes my lord.” Kylo said as he bit his lip; why was he feeling conflicted about this?

 He was dismissed but the feeling in his gut remained.


	15. Chapter 15

Kylo Ren laid on the bed as he tried giving Lirri the space or her to rest. He barely left her out of his sight while she was recovering. Occasionally she would awake to say little things in her sleep and he enjoyed hearing them. Some where preposterous and some were responses to things he spoke aloud quietly.

His back was flat on the bed as he felt Lirri curl up against him again. She really enjoyed cuddling; he remembered and Kylo constantly had her curl into him mumbling Ben. Glancing down, Ben saw her eyes flutter open as Lirri gave him a small smile. “Hey Ben,” She spoke softly as she leaned up, pressing a kiss beside his lips.

He moved a hand to her forehead as he felt the warmth. She was still fever ridden. He sighed at her. “Lirri you need to rest- “he began as she rested her head on his shoulder with green eyes looking up at him. “Only if you stay.”

Kylo Ren thought for a long moment before he nodded. “Okay.” Lirri closed her eyes as she snuggled in. He waited a few moments before wrapping his own arms around her so that he could enjoy this. It couldn’t hurt to take the opportunity for something so innocent. When he was sure that she was asleep, Kylo Ren placed moved to kiss her softly on the forehead.

Everyone was entitled to a moment of weakness, right? That’s why Kylo reasoned with himself anyways.

\-----------------------  
The next morning, Hux was staring at Kylo Ren in disbelief. The Knight of Ren wanted to keep the girl in his chambers and under his wing for nearly all times for the time being. What a ridiculous notion that he would take care of the prisoner.

“And for what reason in your thick skull do you believe this would be a good idea Ren?” Hux finally asked as General Snoke watched.

“How about you focus on finding if Lor San is a person or location to find the drive.” Ren responded again. “Your Storm Troopers nearly killed the Prisoner due to their emotions. Perhaps you and Phasma need to work on your training since it obviously lacking.” He took a step forward. Hissing out, he added. “I can at least keep my knights in check.”

“Enough.” Snoke boomed out as the two stopped and looked at Hux. “Ren needs to get closer with her and how can he do that more easily near the prisoner.”

“You want her to become another Knight, don’t you Lord Snoke?”

“I have not decided her place but I know it would be useful. Don’t you think it is curious how she has managed to survive this long? Someone, she wasn’t at the slaughter and is connected to the Rebels and Skywalker. We could use a pawn like her.”

Hux stopped speaking as Kylo looked towards Snoke. Slowly, Snoke turned towards him as he leaned forward. “You have until Hux and his team finds that drive to turn her or else we will remove her.”   
  
Kylo nodded as he turned on his heel to storm through the halls. You could hear the thuds of any Storm Trooper that walked in his way as they were thrown to the sides. He threw the door open and it slammed behind him as he let out a gut wrenching scream as he threw his helmet across the room.

“Watch it!” he heard as Kylo froze and saw Lirri staring at him from the bed. She was sitting on it, still looking quite pale but at least she was sitting up on her own. Kylo noticed that her hair was damp and clinging around her face. His eyes softened a little bit as he took her in. She had matured physically. Kylo could see the baby fat had left cheeks leaving sharper features and cheeks. Her hair clung but he could see that it was longer and suited her.

What made his heart race was seeing her in some of his sleep clothes.

“I forgot you were here.”

Lirri shrugged as she looked down to her lap before nodding towards the little door nearby. “I took a shower. I really needed it.”

Kylo collected his helmet from where it threw it as he set it nearby. There was still a tray of food that he left untouched. “Eat.” He commanded as he took his chair to face her.

He saw displeasure on her face as she shook her head. “Not hungry.” Lirri mumbled. Kylo could hear the raspy tones of her voice. Kylo saw that she didn’t touch the meal brought.  

Her hands fiddled with the blankets as Kylo stood up and grabbed the tray, setting it on her lap. “Bull. It’s been at least a day.” Kylo said as he brought the glass of juice up towards her lips. He sat beside her as the two stared into each other’s eyes. It was a battle of who would break first.

Kylo tilted the cup slightly as she rolled her eyes and took a small sip before putting a hand on his and pushed it away. Lirri watched Kylo set the glass down. Curiosity was eating at her; but she chose instead to rub under her eyes since her sinuses felt like they were about to burst.

Hands wrapped around her wrists as they were pulled away gently. He stared at her as he stared in Lirri’s eyes.

“Don’t use the force on me Ren.” She muttered as he shook his head. Lirri was exhausted but didn’t want to let her guard down again here.

Kylo could see that Lirri was wanting to sleep, but was resisting. He rolled his eyes in annoyance as he moved to lay on the bed and pulled her down with him. She tumbled onto his stomach as he let go of one wrist so that he could adjust the blankets over him.

“What the heck?!” Lirri questioned as she avoided eye contact with him. Kylo could see the reddening of her cheeks as he ignored the bubbling in his chest. This was business, not pleasure… well not on his side anyways.

“You need sleep and I would like to nap but I didn’t want the bothersome conversation. Now we’ve shared a bed before; we can do it again unless you prefer to sleep on the floor.”

Lirri paused as she relaxed in his touch and got comfortable on the bed, moving away from Kylo so that she was on the edge of the bed and her back faced towards Kylo. He let out a deep breath as he closed his eyes. Getting Lirri comfortable at all times would help him out, right?

Kylo listened as her breaths evened out. When he was completely certain that she was asleep he curled around her. His arm rested on her waist, and his other arm resting under his head.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did not die! I just got quite distracted with university and preparing to move five hours from home. I have so much to add to this and with the newest chapter coming out soon, I'll be quite more energized to write this fic. Especially since I will be free from exams in a few days.

Lirri woke before Kylo from his nap as she examined him. While sleeping, this was the man she had known in that past life of theirs. Without either his literal or metaphorical masks that he hid behind. Deciding that she needed to stretch her legs, Lirri carefully crawled over Kylo as she headed to the washroom and shut the door behind her quietly. Having the private space was good for her mind.

She found his brush and tried taming the mess of bed hair that had not had a proper chance to be brushed after her shower and dunk tank incident as she referred to it. It was getting too long for her liking, but there was not much Lirri could do about that now, after all she was still technically a prisoner, even though her conditions had changed.

She was going to search his room for some sort of hair tie, or string so she could at least pull it away from her face. Lirri splashed her face with water, and drank a bit from it knowing it was safe. She stayed in the tiny washroom for a bit longer before deciding it was time to head out in case Kylo freak out thinking she was trying to drown herself.\

Glancing to the bed, Lirri noticed that Kylo had not made a single move. However, being close to him and the dark force made her stomach cringe. Walking to the other side of the room, she set herself on the floor with her legs crossed. While she was still free, it would be wise to meditate and recentre herself.

Lirri let out some deep breaths as she felt her muscles relax exactly how they were used to. Even though it had been ten years, she had still continued her meditation and learning about the Jedi. Luke was in hiding and Lirri knew that if needed, she would have to try to teach any new Jedis the basics until Luke was found. The idea of being a teacher scared her. She was just the lucky survivor of a massacre but now she was in the trap.

The negative was not helping as she shook her head and reset her mind. The meditation came harder this time with such a suffocating pressure nearby, but she continued. It was like reconnecting with a piece of herself when she reached the mindspot.

 _Lirri._ A voice in her mind rang out as she followed it. It was feminine. 

_Missing apprentice of Luke. We can confirm that she did provide the drive to Lor San._ Lirri recognized the voice as General Organa as she continued listening. 

_We know that Kylo Ren and the First Order will be working on getting information out of her. We need to get the drive quickly, while also keeping suspicion low since I am sure that the First Order are retracing her steps._

Lirri thought about what she wanted to tell Leia as she meditated. She knew Leia had been Force Sensitive without any training.

“Leia,” she thought before continuing. “I’m still alive. It’s Lirri, I am on the First Order ship, they are still trying to get information from me.” Her brows furrowed a bit as she pressed these thoughts further.

A sense of completion came through her before a wave of darkness swept over her. Flashes took over her mind as she saw Snoke towering over her, with an army behind her. There was a planet she could see but not place exploding when a ginger haired man pressed a button. Finally was the flash of a girl’s face. She had dark brown eyes full of curiosity, and hair tied into three buns as she went through a flight simulator. The sounds of fight rang through her mind before Kylo’s face screaming flashed in front of her.

Gasping Lirri fell on the ground with a crash as she immediately knew Kylo was up. One look from him and she could tell that he knew that Lirri had been trying to meditate.

  
“See something that shocked you?” 

Lirri stood up as she dusted off her pants. “Not as much as the time I saw you killing our classmate.” she retorted and walked towards his dresser, finding a scrap strip of fabric. She used it to tie her hair up from her head as Lirri sniffled a bit.

She avoided his eyes as she muttered. “Can’t even get a good meditation with all the dark energy in this place.”

Lirri stretched, still drowning in Kylo’s clothing as he glanced at her. The shirt hung off of her shoulders, being more of a dress on her and the pants had to be rolled several times just for her feet to come out. The drawstrings on the sweats were pulled tightly, but he could see that it hung low on her hips. The front of the shirt had been tucked into the front of the pants.

“Perhaps you’re just looking for the wrong things.” he stood up to grab his helmet, lightsaber and cape before putting them on. “Come on.”

Kylo did not say where they were going as he grabbed her by the arm and dragged her barefoot out of the room. They walked through the halls, and Lirri could see that the First Order recruits stayed far from Kylo, even back pedalling when needed to get in a room away from him.

He went from being the shy and brooding teen to a person who terrified all that crossed his path. She shook her head but followed. It was too risky to try and escape at the current moment. Not when she was without shoes or a weapon.

A large door opened as they walked into the room. The ginger haired man from her vision was there, standing in a pristine uniform and waiting for them. He seemed impatient.

“Ren about time.” the man spoke as Lirri squinted at him. His hair was practically orange compared to her darker auburn hair. “And you brought _her._ ” 

“My name is Lirri.” she immediately shot back as Kylo’s hand squeezed on her arm as she glared over at him. “You could use it.”

The general ignored her and looked over at Kylo Ren. “You don’t even have her restrained.”

“I can handle her.” Ren stated as he moved his other hand to the back of her neck.

A pressure swallowed up the room as Lirri glanced over to the large throne in front of them. Slowly a figure appeared that took up the entire oversized throne and room. The man sitting in front of the trio was pale and his face was horribly scarred. His nose was not even, there seemed to be holes in his body, and that he had been through great trauma. Even though he was not physically there, Lirri could feel the pressure of his power. It was a familiar hum that she remembered recognizing.

It had been on the training island. The faintest feeling of this power had been encircling Ben, most powerfully when he had murdered Igni. She tried looking down but Kylo’s hand kept her head facing up.

\------------------------------------  
“Kylo bring her closer.” Snoke declared as Kylo pushed Lirri forward as Snoke leaned down. He raised his brow as Lirri struggled in his grasp. He could feel her energy flaring up as Lirri pushed against Ren. 

“Yes, she’ll do.” Snoke spoke as Lirri  cried out in Ren’s arms. Her eyes stared at Snoke as she resisted him. Snoke leaned further as Lirri fought harder against Supreme Leader Snoke’s push into her mind. She was stiff against Kylo Ren’s hands.

Snoke seemed to chuckle as he leaned further. Kylo remained still as this battle of the minds continued until Lirri finally stiffened in his eyes with only the whimpers coming out of her lips. Ren looked up at Snoke, although he did not know what Snoke was looking into in Lirri’s mind, he knew that Snoke was interested.

After a few minutes he heard a groan from Lirri as she muttered about getting out. Kylo whispered in her ear. “It’ll go quicker if you just let him.” However, Lirri seemed to do quite the opposite as she started resisting.

“What an interesting family relationship.”

“GET OUT.” she shouted before collapsing to the ground on her knees and gasping for air. Kylo crouched down as he brought her up.

Snoke looked pleased in his throne as he leaned back. “Interesting.” he spoke before looking at Ren and Hux. “She did not start resisting until I got to the memories you were involved in Kylo.” Snoke spoke. He waved his hand as he faded out. “We’ll speak more of this later.”

Kylo pulled Lirri up by her shoulders as he pulled her back to the room. He tried setting her on the bed but she stayed clinging to him. Lirri’s breathing was still quite heavy and so Kylo decided to let her calm down before he would leave.

Her head rested on his shoulder as Kylo held her close. Lirri’s breathing calmed down as she looked at him finally. “How can you work under him?”

Kylo paused as he looked to her. “He gave me the power I wanted. I’m no longer in my family’s shadow. He was able to listen to the desires I’ve always seen in my mind.”

Lirri raised a brow as she scoffed towards him. “Are you serious?” she asked while cupping his cheeks. “That man is using you.  For all you know he was implanting ideas in your brain. In fact I could count on it.” She pointed towards the door with one hand. “That is the same feeling of power and darkness I felt when you started having those nightmares.”

“I’m going to be as powerful as my grandfather.” 

“Ben, I know your grandfather’s story. He fell to the dark side so he could stay with and protect your grandmother!” Lirri exclaimed as she took her hand away. “But that is exactly what killed your grandmother. Also, your grandfather left the dark side before he died because of his children showing him the way. It's never too late.”

She stood up and rubbed her palms against her eyes. He knew that it was her method to try and prevent tears. “You are chasing the main image of Darth Vader, and he’s using you.”

Ren stood up as he squinted. “Why does it matter to you? You can use your family history on me but you know I can’t do that to you.”

Lirri stiffened as she looked to him. “My family is not important to me.”

“It seemed important enough to Snoke.” he responded as Lirri sighed. “And important enough for you that you refused to share it with me before.”

Lirri’s arms wrapped around herself. “The jedis were my real family. Luke was the best parent figure I could ever ask for.” ‘

Ren looked at her as Lirri’s reddish eyes stared at him. “My uncle and parents were far from good parents.” He said coldly.

“Really?” Lirri spoke as she stood up to him. “I understand neither of your parents were not home but they tried.” Lirri hands were clenched as she stood before him, having to look up to make eye contact with him. "You had a roof over your head, warm meals and they tried while making the world safer for you."

 

“My parents spent their days in a cantina, constantly moving between shelter and shelter to survive. They started selling me out for party tricks when they discovered I had the force, beating me if I messed up. I had to do well so I was given food and a blanket. I ran away from home at the age of 8. Your uncle found me and brought me in when I was 10.”

Ren paused as he looked at her. It seemed like something that made him feel even more connected to him. “I did not tell you because I was not looking for some terrible family competition and I thought we were going to be able to be our own family but then you left me...”

Lirri’s chest was moving heavily up and down as she resisted crying. Ren’s instincts kicked in as he pulled her into a tight hug. He could feel the tears being absorbed by his shirt. Ren clung to her as he rested his head onto Lirri’s head.

He whispered against her head. “I never wanted to leave you, but i knew I was destined for things.”

Her arms were tightly around him as she continued crying. He knew that it was years of built up emotions being let out. “Everyday I talk with grandfather about this conflicting feeling inside me of the light and the dark.”

Lirri moved her head slightly, tilting it so that she could be heard. “Ben… you could be great just as yourself. You don’t need to prove this to the galaxy, just to the ones you care about.”

He sighed and held her close. “I’m conflicted.”  Lirri looked up towards him as she pressed her hand on his cheek. There was a small smile on her lips. “And confused.”

Ren didn’t know if it was him honestly asking or for the sake of Snoke’s plans. “Why did you not let Snoke see the memories involving me.”

Lirri glanced down before looking up. “They are our memories, I don’t want him to have them to use against you or me.”

Kylo muttered. “I think he took a certain impression when you fought back against him.”

“Let him think what he wants.”  her eyes came to stare up at him. “I will keep those memories for all my days.

Ren nodded as he pushed some hair from her face. “Thank you.” he pressed his forehead against hers as his eyes closed.

In the moment, Ren was not afraid of the feelings that were starting to bubble up inside of him. They felt warm and comfortable. It was definitely a feeling he had not had in quite a long time. Snoke wanted him to convert her, but he did not know he could. Kylo did not want her involved any of what was happening and knew now why she was loyal to a fault to Luke.


End file.
